Page 37 of Ever Dark Academy: Volume 6

Yes, but that doesn’t mean he can’t have changed dramatically, Grayson said.

What if he wasn’t crazy at all when he did all this in the War? Eyros challenged. What if he was stone cold sober as a judge and–

You’re mixing metaphors from my mind as I know we didn’t have that phrase back then, Grayson said.

You know what I mean, Eyros said with a sigh. He wasn’t crazy, Ashyr. He did everything he did without a crazy stray thought in his head.

He was upset.

Yes, upset. Angry. Wrathful. All of it. Sure, Eyros agreed. But not crazy. So everything he did during this War, he chose to do. Nothing made him do it. He treated us as he would our enemies without a second thought. In fact, he enjoyed it more because it was us.

Grayson shut his eyes. This was what Ryder feared of himself. But Grayson already knew there was violence in Weryn–in all of them–but it was the kindness and honor in Ryder that now directed that violence only to where it belonged. Just as Eyros’ caustic wit and endless jibes were now controlled by Balthazar’s understanding of the hurt they caused and the desire not to inflict the pain he felt on others, but to lift them up.

And what has being Grayson taught me? He wondered. But he said to Eyros, That’s not completely fair, Eyros. Many who were here during the War and faced him have said he was unhinged–

I can see into minds, Ashyr, Eyros interrupted, but almost gently. They saw him as berserking out, but I could see into his mind and he was not as caught up in blood lust anymore than he wished to be. He let the beast out, sure, but he wanted it out in the first place. He didn’t slip his leash. He removed it. And without you there to bring him to heel–

Grayson’s hands fisted at his sides. But I am here. If he truly needs someone to pull him back from the brink, I’m here. But he doesn’t need that anymore. Eyros, I know this is hard to understand–and goes against your own experiences with him where you are justifiably bitter and angry–but Ryder is Weryn with a conscience.

That was it. That was what was different about them all. Being human, mortal, frail had taught them to empathize. Being an Immortal who never felt exhaustion or pain or fear, how could they have truly understood what others suffer? Why would they have pulled their punches when they could never feel the harm they caused?

I want you to ask yourself if that is the type of person you want as a Master, Eyros said.

He’s just turning me. He won’t be my Master, Grayson pointed out, but there was still that niggle of fear in him that Ryder would be able to control him. He knew now that control was absolutely essential to him and his sense of self. But he also knew that Ryder would never abuse any such power even if he had it.

Again, I can read minds so lying is really pointless, Eyros said. Or… are you lying to yourself?

I love him. Grayson was firm on this. And I trust him.

I know.

He’s changed. If he was ever as you say, he’s changed, Grayson retorted. Besides, are we not all vicious at the core? At least, we were that way. But not anymore. We’ve found our consciences. We can empathize and understand.

Empathize and understand? I never thought to hear those words from you. You’re… different, Eyros admitted. Dare I say, softer?

Maybe. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Being all sharp edges and ice led us as much to defeat as to victory. And now, we need victory of another sort against the humans. Grayson pushed off from the tree and started striding forward. Tell me if I’m going to run into anything nasty.

Of course, Eyros agreed. Normally, I would be able to control these creatures with their puny brains, but Weryn riled them all up and it is much harder to take them over. You do that, don’t you? All these beasties are really extensions of him and yet they want to eat your guts.

They’re animals and they’re hungry. Of course, they want to eat. I imagine I’m quite tasty, Grayson said.

But he thought that, despite what Eyros was saying about the beasts being beyond him because of Weryn, that Balthazar could have controlled them.

How can a shadow of me do more than me? Eyros sounded snippy.

Grayson sighed. He should know better than to think anything would be private from the other Immortal. And he truly didn’t want to hurt him anymore than he already had in the past. But this was true.

I don’t know. Caemorn is far stronger than he ever was as Kaly, Grayson said. Maybe it’s because they have more imagination than we did back then. Now, I mean.

More imagination? Your memories show me that they have no idea of even a tenth of what our gifts are capable of, Eyros scoffed.

I can’t explain it, Grayson admitted as he crossed his arms over his chest and rubbed them. He was getting cold. Cold and tired. Already. It just is so.

I’ve never shied away from the truth, but according to you, I don’t even want to remember myself! There was hurt and anger in Eyros’ tone.

You mustn’t be hurt by your decision this life, Eyros. You–Balthazar–has had a lot of trauma this time around, Grayson explained and felt a welling of warmth at the thought of the other Immortal. You’re dealing with that. You’ll figure your past out in time.

Hurt? That’s absurd! I’m just damned disappointed in this supposed better me, Eyros remarked and Grayson could hear the quotes around “better me.” You don’t think you’re better now. You’re trying to shed this mortal life as quickly as possible.