Page 64 of About to Fall

“Don't act like a prude. You fucked your number one rival.”

“He is not my number one rival.”

“Fine. Top two. The point stands.” She picked up her cocktail again and took a long sip. “Also, technically you fucked your other rival too, so maybe this is a pattern we should discuss.”

“Oh trust me, I've discussed it at length with Dr. Priya.”

“And? What does the good doctor have to say about your toxic behaviour?”

“That I choose intensity because it's the only thing that cuts through the numbness. And that I need to learn the difference between someone making me feel alive and someone making me feel unstable.”

“Smart woman. So which one is Adrian?”

“Probably both. I'm completely out of my depth with him.”

“Walk me through it. How did you go from fighting him to fucking him?”

“We had a group dinner with Sabrina and Théo. It was a disaster. Adrian and Théo spent the entire evening going at each other—passive aggressive comments, thinly veiled insults, stupid alpha bullshit. Adrian called Théo's skating robotic. Théo called Adrian a rich kid playing at skating. Sabrina almost stabbed Adrian with a chopstick.” I took a sip of my drink. “We got back to the room and started arguing about the dinner, about Théo, about whether I needed him to fight my battles for me. And the tension just... snapped.”

“And then bam.” She made an obscene gesture with her fingers that I chose to ignore.

“It was a moment of passion. He called it a hate fuck.” I stared at my glass. “And it was—Kat, it was the hottest thing that's ever happened to me. I'm not exaggerating. I didn't know sex could feel like that. Like being set on fire and not wanting anyone to put it out.”

Kat's eyebrows shot toward her hairline. She set down her cocktail with exaggerated slowness.

“Okay, that's hot. But is that what you actually wanted? A hate fuck?”

“Like you said, it was either fight him or fuck him.”

“Holy shit.” She pressed a hand to her chest and stared at me like I'd just announced I was quitting skating to become an accountant. “My sweet, gentle-as-a-lamb Nico hate fucked his rival.” She took a breath. “How do you feel about it?”

“I don't know. That's the part you're supposed to help me with.”

Kat studied me. The teasing edge faded into genuine concern.

“Are you okay, Nico? Is this a cry for help?”

“No. I don't think so.” I turned my glass in my hands. “He's not as bad as I thought. He's arrogant and cocky and a complete show off. But he's also unapologetically himself.” I took a breath. “And when I'm with him, I feel like maybe I'm allowed to take up space too.”

Kat was quiet for a long moment. Then she reached over and squeezed my knee.

“Oh, my darling,” she said softly. “That doesn't exactly sound like you hate the guy.”

I thought about after—lying beside him in the wrecked sheets, tracing the script along his collarbone with my fingertip before the panic set in and I'd bolted for the shower. Fall seven times, get up eight.

Would I survive falling again?

“I don't know what I'm feeling,” I said finally. “I just know it scares me.”

Kat nodded slowly. “The good things usually do.”

30. Nico

I was lacing up my skates on the bench when Adrian plopped down next to me.

This was different.

Usually he kept his distance during practice. Stayed on his side of the rink, warmed up in his own corner, maintained the careful separation we'd both silently agreed to since... everything. But today he pulled his skates out of his bag and started lacing up right beside me, close enough that I could smell the sweet herbal scent of his vape.