Page 43 of About to Fall

She was right.

“We've been unpacking the relationship in therapy,” I said. “Théo holds everyone at arm's length. That's just how he's built. And instead of telling him that wasn't enough for me, I just... became whatever I thought he wanted. Easier. Smaller. Less demanding. I rearranged myself around his boundaries until I fit inside them perfectly and then wondered why he never saw the real me.”

“Why did you feel like you had to hide?”

“Because it was Théo. We came up together. He’s one of the most talented and driven people I know. And when he chose me, it felt like proof I was worth something.” I raked a hand through my hair. “I thought we were inevitable. At least that’s what all the fan edits on Tumblr said. And I was so desperate to keep that going that I stopped asking whether it was actually good for me. I just wanted him to keep choosing me. And if I showed him who I really was—the messy, anxious version underneath the golden exterior—why would he?”

“So you just kept going round and round.”

“Yeah. It was like we were on this carousel. We'd fight and make up and fight and make up and tell ourselves that the intensity meant it was real. But we never actually went anywhere. Just kept spinning until we were both too dizzy to stand.”

Kat was quiet for a moment.

“Nico. By never telling him what you needed, you never gave him the chance to show up for you. You decided what he could handle and made the choice for both of you. That's not kindness. That's control.”

The word sat heavily in the air.

“And it's not just Théo,” she continued, gentle but relentless in the way only Kat could be. “You do this with everyone. You figure out what they need you to be and you become that person. Renaud. Your parents. Me, if I’d let you. You've been doing it your entire life.”

“Dr. Priya said something similar,” I said quietly.

“I like this woman more every time you mention her.” Kat leaned closer to the screen. “Théo came when you needed him. He deserves to see the real you. It’s okay not to be perfect at all times.”

I didn't answer. My pulse was ticking too fast in my throat.

“You don’t owe anyone a recovery performance,” she said, softer now. “You’re allowed to just be where you are, Nico. Messy. Uncertain. Still figuring it out. That’s not failure—that’s being a human being. And the sooner you stop shrinking for everyone’s approval, the sooner you might actually figure out what you want instead of what you think they need from you.”

“When did you become my therapist?”

“I've been your therapist since we were five. I'm just not licensed.” She sat back. “Now the other elephant in the room.”

“What elephant?”

“Adrian Zhao.”

“There's nothing—”

“Are they making you guys room again? Is he still being a jag off?”

I almost choked at her choice of words. The Québec hotel room was a secret I planned to carry to my grave.

“Yes, we're rooming again. And it's fine. His presence can be… challenging.”

“I’m sure if you told your uncle—”

“That’s not necessary. He's not the biggest diva I've ever crossed paths with.”

“If you’re suggesting that title is mine, you better look in a mirror. You have more costumes than I do.”

“Speaking of costumes, I really should start packing now. Thank you for talking me through it,” I said.

“Pack the grey costume. It makes your eyes pop. The fans lose their minds.”

“Good night, Kat.”

“Good night. You're going to be just fine.” A pause. “Eventually. But for now, we put our best face forward. Love you, Nico.”

“Love you too, darling.”