Page 35 of The Hitman’s Final Job
The shape of the days, the rhythm of the house, the way I move through the morning and the evening and the hours in between. Those changes are good.
Maybe I got too used to being on my own and moving from one task to another without stopping to appreciate the life around me. Even the little things, such as going into town to grab a box of cookies from Sunrise Bakery for the team.
The birds have started their morning calls now, and the valley is filling with light as the sun comes up, glowing warm on my face.
Silas turns, hooking one leg under the other and resting his arm on the back of the bench. “Why are you still single?”
I turn to him, expecting him to be looking at me, but his eyes are closed and his face is turned to the sunlight.
“I’m always too busy. Always working. When Rowan was younger, I dated a little. I always wondered if Rowan needed another parent. Someone else in his corner. Someone he could turn to when things went wrong and I wasn’t enough.” I glance back at the valley. “But I was always too scared to try and get it wrong. Too scared of bringing someone into his life who wouldn’t stay.”
“Is that because of his mom?” Silas asks.
“What?” I shift to face him.
He opens his eyes to meet mine. “Rowan told me he doesn’t have a relationship with her. That she left when he was a baby.”
I nod. “We were young, and we weren’t careful. I don’t regret Rowan. I want to be clear about that. He’s the best thing I’ve ever done. But I should have made better choices at seventeen. The choice was hers, and she wanted to keep him. Said we’d get married one day, go to college together, make it work. She had it all planned out.”
A bird dives toward the house, then swoops away at the last minute.
“I loved her, and she was so positive and happy about it, I guess I went along,” I continue. “Then Rowan was born, and before he’d formed any real attachment to her, she was gone. I got the full custody papers in the mail a few months later.”
Silas listens with an intensity I’ve come to think of as part of who he is. “Were you left all on your own at seventeen with a newborn baby?”
“My parents were extraordinary,” I say. “They stepped in without being asked. Helped me work and save money until I could get a scholarship. I had to move to Denver for college, so Rowan was always with me. He came to lectures in a carrier when he was small, sat in the library while I studied, grew up in university buildings.” I smile at the memory.
“I’m so going to tease him for being a little nerd from birth.”
“He’s a great person,” I say. “I’m very proud of him for who he is.”
The morning has settled around us, and the last of that early chill is gone. The birds are active in the orchard, probably going wild on the apples.
“But now Rowan’s grown and you’re in Pine Ridge on your own … Don’t you get lonely?”
He studies me with those dark, steady eyes.
This is dangerous territory.
“Are you asking if I hook up?”
The corner of his mouth quirks upward. “Is that what you were doing in Warsaw?”
“That was an opportunity,” I say. “I didn’t seek it out. Seth was … Seth was a pleasant coincidence that presented itself, and I considered it until you sat at my table, and that was the end of that.”
“So, you don’t—”
“Not often,” I say. “My work is consuming, and when I have free time, I’m in Denver seeing Rowan or he’s here. There isn’t a lot of space left over for other people.” I want to avert my gaze, but I can’t. The short beard that frames Silas’s face makes him appealing. I should look away, or at the very least I should shut the fuck up, but my mouth has other ideas. “And I’ve never met anyone conveniently close who would be happy with something uncomplicated. No strings, no expectations. Just …”
“Fucking good sex,” Silas says.
“Just fucking good sex.”
I become aware that in the time since he faced me, we’ve been inching closer.
His gaze darts to my mouth and back up. He’s not subtle, and he’s not trying to be subtle either. We’re on the precipice of a kiss. One I’ve never wanted so badly.
But we can’t.
