Page 51 of Knotted their Beauty
His snort pulls a little howl from my dog, and I ask myself if I’m in hell. I fucking have to be.
“You’re a mess. They always say it’s the strongest ones. Promise not to run away, and I’ll finish untying you.”
“You have my dog, I’m not going anywhere. I may puke if I can’t get upright soon. That’ll fucking suck for you. I’ll haunt your ass if I choke and die on it.”
“Damn, that means I’ll be stuck with you forever and my plan went belly up. Literally.”
“Hardee har har.”
Asshole.
Baron helps me sit up and scoots back to lean against the side of the van. This is set up very differently than mine. It’s barebones with boxes in a corner and compartments built into one side. There’s a rolled up sleeping bag next to me, and that’s about it.
“I have pain meds for your head if you’re a good boy and talk to me.”
“I’m no one’s ‘good boy’. Look, why are you going to all of this trouble? I vaguely remember you giving me some bullshit about being part of a pack who doesn’t want me. I had a perfectly nice hotel room to be depressed in. My back hurts now and the view fucking sucks.”
“You… How did this happen?” Baron opens his hands in confusion and I sigh heavily as I close my eyes again. “Don’t fucking hide. You’re usually this happy fucking Viking, content to get into everyone’s business and force people to pay attention to you.”
“That gets old fast when no one reciprocates the energy. Sometimes, I just get sad, okay? It usually cycles out in a week. I hole up somewhere for most of it and sulk. If I’m really lucky, I ask myself if drowning would hurt or not. I never do shit about it because Rufus would starve without me.”
“Starve…The little shit bit me before he let me feed him a treat. I had to explain that I was bringing you to see Arlo and Cali. I’ve never spoken so much to a dog before. He’s your pocket sized gremlin.”
“Yeah, well, Rufus is an acquired taste. It’s why I’m careful about who sits with him during performances. He really likes to be worn.”
“Worn…how?” Baron sounds completely aghast, and my lips twitch in amusement, despite my headache. I can usually rally pretty quickly without pain meds because of my ability to burn through pain.
People think I’m insane for my high tolerance for pain, but I’ve always been like this. Rarely cried as a kid either. It’s just how I am. I don’t like to inconvenience people, which is why I fuck off when I feel an episode like this coming on.
“Baby wearing. The sling is in my van. Why am I here, Baron?” I’m biting out my words. There’s a bubble of rage and sadness growing in my gut, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to stop it from exploding inside of me.
Shit. No one needs to see this. My existence is carefully crafted, and the veneer is cracking fast.
“You stopped calling.”
“You didn’t like it, and it seemed counterproductive,” I reply, forcing my breathing to remain even. There’s an uncomfortable heat behind my eyes and I refuse to get weepy with a stranger.
“I suck at talking on the phone.”
“You suck in general.”
“Seriously? That’s your comeback?”
“I’m a little off my game. If you let me out, I’ll call a cab to take me back to my hotel room and return to my sulking.”
“We’re an hour away from Malibu. That’ll be an expensive trip, Lenny.”
“It’s Lennox to you.” I’m feeling particularly anxious, and I don’t want to be friendly with Baron. It’s too fucking late for all that.
“Throw me a fucking bone, would you?”
“Do you deserve it? Any of you?” I ask. “Honestly. Arlo has my number and hasn’t once called me. Ves is tied up in knots with a serial killer, and no one cares enough to murder me to piss him off. My existence does that enough when it comes to Ves, which is obvious to anyone looking. I’m done.”
Fuck, this asshole isn’t going to untie me, is he? Opening my eyes, I begin stretching my neck from side to side and rotating my shoulders. I once dislocated my joints for a performance, and ever since that, I found out how flexible I can actually be.
“You can’t be done. I thought you were sulking, but you’re legitimately drowning in sadness. I’m trying to understand. What are you doing? Lenny, wait!”
Baron’s alpha bark rolls right off me like water as I yank my arms forward, nearly blacking out when the pain from rotating them until my wrists are in front of me is too much.
