Page 52 of Instigator

Friends. The word is like a knife stabbing into my chest. I don’t want to be friends with her. I want so much more.

If I could ever get over my baggage, maybe there would be a possibility of one day working things out. But I honestly don’t know if I can.

She’s the only woman I’ve had even the smallest interest in wanting to know further since my ex turned my world upside down, and not in the good way. I’ve been too gun shy to want to try again.

With Ceci, I want to try.

With Ceci, I see the potential for something real.

But she doesn’t date. She hasn’t had a relationship since we met. It would take too much time away from work and gaming.

Which… same. But I’m so fucking lonely sometimes, I have to wonder if maybe it would be worth it.

If this is the only way I can have her in my life, I’ll take it. But I don’t have to like it.

“Yeah, Annie. Me too.”

We lapse into silence until the food arrives. My eggs are cooked a little too well done, almost on the verge of rubbery, and the scent of the bacon wafting off her plate makes my stomach rumble.

She pushes the plate between us. “Have some.”

Some? How about all? How about I launch myself across the table and take what I really want: her.

I spear a piece of bacon as she digs into her stack of pancakes.

She gets about halfway through before she sighs and pushes the plate away. She sags on her bench, resting her cheek on her fist again. “I’m too tired to eat.”

“Do you still want to come over?” I’m desperate to spend more time with her, but I know she’s got to be exhausted. I know I am.

“I just need a catnap. Then I’ll be good.”

“Come on, then.” I lead her out of the diner and to my car, opening the door for her and then rounding the SUV to my side. She’s slumped against the window, her eyelids fluttering closed.

The drive to my place takes less than ten minutes, thanks to the lack of weekend traffic. I park in my assigned space and then help her from the raised seat.

“Come on, sleepy.” I sling my arm across her shoulders, and she slides hers around my waist, burrowing into my side. Her familiar bourbon-and-caramel perfume settles the anxiety churning in my gut.

This is us. It doesn’t have to be complicated.

“I’m so tired,” she mumbles.

“I know. We’ll put you to bed, and you’ll feel better.”

Since the team got back a few hours ago, we’re fortunate enough not to run into any of my teammates in the elevator. I’m able to inconspicuously escort her to my apartment and lock the door without anyone catching us.

“So this is your place,” Ceci says around a yawn.

“I’ll give you the grand tour later,” I promise.

My hand falls to hers, and I lace our fingers together before tugging her toward my bedroom.

She arches a sardonic eyebrow, but the effect is ruined by the yawn she lets out.

“I don’t do outside clothes in the house. Don’t make it weird.” Rummaging in my dresser, I toss her a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. “There are two guest rooms or the sofa. Plenty of places to sleep.”

“Wish?”

“Yeah?”