Page 133 of Instigator

The life I’m living now is unrecognizable from the life I lived six weeks ago. My friends are still amazing, but our friendships are deeper. I’m not sitting here quietly envious of what they have. I’m not resentful of the partners pulling them away from me.

I didn’t understand before. Now I do.

The simple joy of having someone to come home to. Of having someone to rely on. Who will be there for you through thick and thin.

A true partner.

Not having to navigate this life alone.

I didn’t realize how fucking lonely I was. Sure, my friends are great. Working with Colt, Hailey, Bex… it didn’t fulfill me, but I didn’t feel the absence.

And now that I remember what it’s like to be personally fulfilled, I can’t rationalize how I went so long without it.

But I’m still not happy at work. Heidi makes my job miserable, even if I wasn’t already bored by the work itself. I need something interesting, a challenge that makes me want to work.

I just don’t know what to do about it.

Even though I engage with my friends and act normal, I’m still thinking it over on the way home from book club. Aidan and I have a date at two o’clock, when he gets into his hotel room.

He has a console in the living room, but I use the one in the bedroom tonight. I curl up on his side of the bed, drawing the throw blanket across my shoulders and breathing in his scent.

The line connects, and the screen flickers with his image.

He looks tired. His blue eyes have bags beneath them, and exhaustion creases his features. Still, he’s smiling. He’s traded the suit for a soft-looking T-shirt, and his hair is fluffy like he’s been running his hands through it.

“Hey, you,” I say with a grin.

Like him, I’m dressed for bed in one of his T-shirts, my glasses, and nothing else.

“Hey.”

The single syllable conveys plenty.

“How was the game?”

I already know they won and he scored a goal. But I want to know how it went. Did he feel like he played well? Is his body sore? How did the team as a whole do?

“It went well. We’re in a good place for San Jose tomorrow.”

“I’ll be watching,” I promise.

“How was book club?”

“It was… fine.”

His eyebrows dart up into his hairline. “Just fine? What’s wrong?”

“My friends are fine. They’re great.”

“But…”

“But I’m still not loving this helmet project. I’m so fucking bored, I dread going into the office everyday.”

“Do you have to work?”

He’s not asking about money. Not when I already have enough to keep both of us very comfortable for the rest of our lives, and then some.

I purse my lips. “When I sold my company, I had other stuff to keep me busy. And even still, I fell back into working. Yeah, I think I need to keep working.”