Page 111 of Instigator

“Not at all. You’re her constant.”

Aidan sighs, pulling away. He doesn’t go far, tugging me with him to sit on the edge of the bed. I perch across from him, drawing my leg up onto the mattress as I turn to him.

“You will always be a part of her life,” I state. “But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have her own too. She’s entitled to live and be her own person outside of you. She’s not going away. She’s not asking for space. She’s not asking for time. Let her figure out what she wants and who she wants to be.”

He grumbles under his breath, looking away.

“She’s building a future with her partner. That’s what she needs. And you’re going to give it to her. You might not like it, but you are. Because if you hold her back, she will never forgive you. If you hold her back, she will never be able to move forward.”

He looks at me with his chin hitched up petulantly. “Did I say I didn’t want that for her?”

I feel like we’re talking in circles. I want to support him, I want him to understand, but I don’t know how to make it sink in.

“We’re all allowed to move forward with our lives. We don’t want to stagnate or fall back. We want to keep pushing forward and becoming the best version of ourselves. And Ryan does that for her. He makes her a better person, and she makes him a better person in return. They’re so well suited for each other. They deserve to be happy together. So let’s let them be happy.”

Aidan sighs. “You’re saying things I already know, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.”

“I know, babe. I know.” I pat his hand. “Have you talked to anyone about this?”

“Aside from right now?”

“They’ve been engaged for a long time.”

“It’s always been theoretical.” He waves his hand in the air, as if to show how nebulous their plans were. “I never really thought it would happen. They said they were going to the courthouse, and now it’s a year and a half later, and it’s the first time they’ve mentioned a wedding. First time they’ve made any concrete plans.”

“Maybe talking out your thoughts would help.”

He raises his brows. “Isn’t that what we’re doing now?”

I force a chuckle to hide my discomfort with this. “I’m here for you. You know that. But it’s a little outside my wheelhouse. You helped your teammate find the right resources. Maybe you⁠—”

“You think I need a therapist?” Aidan frowns.

He said he would talk to someone about his fear of intimacy, but I don’t think he’s put it into action. Maybe this is what will finally help him take that step.

“I don’t think there’s a single person on this planet who doesn’t need at least a little therapy.”

He sits back. “Wow.”

“Everyone is entitled to a safe place, free of judgment, to work out their thoughts and feelings. Some people can find that through journaling or meditating. Other people need to verbally process. It doesn’t make you less than for needing some help.”

“I know that.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “I just didn’t think…”

“I’ve been in therapy for over a decade. Does that make me weak?”

“I don’t think you’re weak,” he snaps. “And I don’t think therapy makes people weak. It’s the exact opposite. It makes them strong. Helps them be stronger.” He blows out a breath. “I’m sorry. I’m not upset with you. I’m trying to process this.”

I pat his hand again. “I know, babe.”

I won’t be his punching bag, though.

“If you’re not ready to talk about it, you can try writing down your thoughts to work through it all. You can shred it and throw it away when you’re done. Or you can keep it to look back on later and reflect on all the ways you’ve grown.”

“I think I’m more of a verbal processor,” he says slowly, as if speaking the words makes them true.

“There are so many kinds of therapy,” I tell him. “When you talk to Dr. Liz, she’ll help you find the right person. And don’t be surprised if the first therapist isn’t the right fit. It’s kind of like dating. It takes a while to find someone you can be vulnerable with.”

Aidan’s crooked smile appears for the first time all night. “I’ve never had to worry about that with you.”