Page 90 of Power Play

thirty-four

. . .

Riley

“I’m in trouble,” I blurt, and Vanessa and Bex look at me curiously.

Emmy and Leo are playing on the floor, Cora is doing tummy time on a play mat, and the adults are drinking. Basically, business as usual for our playdates.

“What’s wrong?” Audrey asks straight out.

“I… I think I have feelings for Al,” I admit.

Bex laughs. “I’d hope so. He is your husband.”

I shake my head, my hair falling out of my ponytail as I do. “It’s not like that with us.” Tugging at the tie, I worry it between my fingers. Isn’t it? Things are changing so quickly, and I can’t keep up.

“Except that it is,” she says. “That man is so fucking gone for you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The way he looks at you… It’s the way Sven looks at Van, and how Seb looks at Audrey.” Bex sighs. “I’d kill for a man to look at me that way.”

“He does not.” I’ve seen the way Sven treats his wife like she hung the moon, and the way Seb dotes on Audrey. What Al and I have is nothing like their relationships. Right?

With a sigh, I admit: “I said I love you the other day. By accident.”

Vanessa laughs. “How do you accidentally tell someone you love them?”

“Because I don’t know if I do.” And he was being particularly sweet. But that doesn’t mean I actually love him. I just like him. A lot.

“You do,” Bex assures me, patting my arm.

“But how do you know?” I’ve never told anyone I love them, and they’ve certainly never said it back to me. I was too young when my mom died, none of my foster parents ever formed a bond that way, and even Carter never said those three words to me.

“Because you constantly prioritize his happiness over yours. You trust him and opened up to him, even about the scary things. You see a future beyond the two years you’ve agreed to,” Vanessa says.

“I do. I want… more. What we have now, it’s real. But even though we’re legally married, we’re still dating. Still taking it slow.” It’s what I need, even if it’s not necessarily what I want. But rushing into something isn’t the right decision, especially with Emmy to consider.

“Every relationship progresses on its own timeline,” Audrey adds. After all, she and Seb went from strangers to serious in the blink of an eye. “Do you constantly think about him? Does he make you feel safe? Do you want to support him, in sickness and in health?”

“I do,” I whisper.

“Do you accept him for who he is, flaws and all?” Bex asks.

Al definitely isn’t perfect. He snores, and he tosses and turns all night long, and he’s always so fucking cheerful that it gets on my nerves, especially first thing in the morning. He jumps into things wholeheartedly without stopping to consider the consequences. These minor annoyances don’t turn me off. If anything, they make me like him more. He’s human.

Do I love him?

“How would I know? I’ve never been in love before.”

“Oh, sweetie.” Bex smiles at me and reaches over to refill my sangria. “You’re already there. You just have to accept it.”

“But it’s only a legal marriage for custody. We’re not… it’s not like that with us.”

Isn’t it?

“You know, Sven and I started out in a fake relationship,” Vanessa says. “Well, it was always real for him. It took me a while to come around. But once I did… He’s the best thing in my life. Him and Leo.”