Page 62 of Power Play

I freeze. “If?”

We have an agreement: until his custody is resolved, plus a year. Maybe two. Just long enough that a quickie divorce won’t burn him in the press. Then I go back to my everyday life and he… moves on. He finds someone else to take care of Emmy. Someone else to be her mom.

Fuck. Why does it feel like someone just grabbed my heart with icy hands and yanked? I don’t even want to consider a world in which I’m not her mom. Not anymore.

Al clears his throat. “If you still want out, we’ll get you out. But if you want to stay in this…”

Is he saying what I think he’s saying?

“You are my wife, and now the mother of my child. We’re doing this backward. But just because we’re in this situation doesn’t mean we can’t make the most of it.” His face flames, and he looks away. “It turns out, I kind of like being married to you. As long as you’re still okay with it, I thought maybe we could table the divorce. Maybe… see where this could go.”

My throat feels tight. Itchy. I pull at the V-neck of my shirt. The room seems to close in on me, and it’s getting harder to breathe. I exhale slowly, but that doesn’t make the nausea recede. If anything, it makes it worse. My stomach turns. “I need to think about this.”

Disappointment flashes across his face, and he tries to blank his expression, but he can’t hide it from me. “Oh. Right. Of course.”

He looks like a kicked puppy dog, crestfallen. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. But I have to protect myself. Nobody else will do it for me. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way, over and over and over again.

“I’m not saying no. I just need to think it over.”

“No, yeah, I get it. It’s a lot to spring on you.” He releases my hands and settles back in his seat. “Consider it dropped. When you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here. Until then, we just… go back to normal.”

Whatever normal is, anyway.