Page 65 of Tripped Up

“I just wish you didn’t have to.”

She blows out a breath. “Yeah. Me, too.”

The waiter delivers our wine, pouring hers full. I wait for him to leave before I lift my glass to hers.

“To new beginnings,” I toast, my eyes lingering on hers.

She clinks her wineglass against mine and then takes a sip.

I barely taste the merlot. It’s fine, it tastes expensive. It doesn’t really do anything for me. But this is part of the deal: wine and dine, fancy dress, nice suit. As much as I don’t particularly care for it, I know it’s what Elsy deserves. I’d give her the moon if I could.

If she lets me in, I’m sure there will be plenty of nights where we go to the pub, drink shitty beer, and eat nachos or burgers. There could be lunches at the deli or picnics at the park.

But that’s for the future. Right now, I have to pull out my A game.

She asks about my road games against Ottawa and Montreal, I ask about her performance the other night and how her lessons are going. She’s found a few more students, so while they keep her busy, the extra income is helpful.

I wish I knew people who were interested in learning the violin so I could help her find more students.

When our steaks arrive, we dig in, but I notice her hesitation. She doesn’t look nearly as happy as I’d have thought when I planned this evening.

“You know, we don’t have to do this,” she says.

I look up in surprise.

“The dinner, the wine, the flowers. All of it.” She waves her hand at the room. “I’d be happy with eating takeout on the couch.”

“I’m sure we’ll do that, too.” I take her hand. “But you deserve the best, and I don’t ever want you to think I’m not treating you the way you deserve. I’d do pretty much anything for you, Els.”

She frowns. “You don’t call me names any more. Elsabeth, Elizabeth, Eleanor… You stopped doing it.”

“You told me you didn’t like it,” I say simply.

“I’ve been saying it for years.”

“No, Elsy. You said to stop. I thought it was our thing.” Steadily, I meet her eyes. “As soon as you told me you didn’t like it, I stopped.”

“As easy as that?”

“Yeah. Just like that. You never have to be subjected to something you don’t consent to. It was my understanding we were both playing a game. I didn’t know you weren’t participating. As soon as I found out, I stopped.”

She’s quiet as she sits across from me, fidgeting with her napkin.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I’m just… processing,” she finally says. “You’re not who I thought you were.”

“And is that a bad thing? That I’m not that guy?”

Elsy presses her lips into a line. “I’m not sure yet. Still figuring it out.”

Heart racing, I squeeze her hand. “Well, let me know when you decide. I’ll be waiting for you.”

twenty-three

Elsy

He’s doing everything right. So why can’t I get out of my head?