Page 30 of Tripped Up
“You doing okay?”
He nods. “Ready for the season to start for real.” We have three more preseason games. He’s still borderline and could be sent down to the minors any day now.
“Shitting bricks?” Personally, I think he’ll stay in the big club, but I still remember those early days, always wondering when the other shoe would drop.
“Something like that.” He gives a sarcastic smile. “I just want to know where I’m going to be. Will they keep me up with the team or send me down to the farm team? I want to stay up, I want to prove that I can do this.”
“Then you will.” I cuff him on the shoulder. “Just do your best. That’s all we’re asking.”
Puppy hums. “Yeah. Thanks, man.”
“What are teammates for?”
Our drinks are ready and I slip a twenty into the tip jar before we weave through the crowd. The hockey players form a loose circle around Elsy and—I blink—Anastasia, who looks radiant in an emerald gown. Beside her is a stunning blond woman in a red silk dress.
“Oh. It’s you,” Anastasia says, her lip curling in distaste at the sight of me.
I laugh, handing Elsy her drink. “Yep. I’m back.”
She sighs. “Wonderful.”
“It’s almost time for our performance,” Elsy says. “Do you mind keeping Katrina company?”
The blond waves. “Hi. I’m Katrina.”
“Wyatt. Nice to meet you.”
“So you’re a symphony spouse, too, huh?” she comments.
My insides tighten. “Something like that.”
“Well, we’ll be spending a lot of time together, then,” Katrina says. She kisses Anastasia. “Have an excellent performance. Break a leg. I’ll be waiting for you when you’re done.”
I waggle my eyebrows at Elsy. “Want a kiss for good luck?”
She rolls her eyes. “Fuck off, Wyatt.”
My heart thumps loudly. She loves me. She’s totally in love with me.
eleven
Elsy
There’s nothing on TV, I don’t have any friends in town, and I don’t know what to do with my time. When I’m busy, it’s easier to push the anxious thoughts to the back of my brain, but the second I have nothing else going on, they all come rushing in. The longer I go without a break, the stronger they attack. It’s why I keep myself busy from the moment I wake until I’m ready for bed. Allowing myself down time allows me to spiral.
Anxiety is my nemesis as much as it’s a comfort. I’m intimately familiar with the way my brain ruminates on every possible way life can go wrong. No matter what it is—a car ride across town, a performance in front of a packed hall, the idea of dating again—the dark thoughts settle me as much as they set me off. I know my patterns.
Is it healthy? No. Am I going to do something about it? Also no.
This morning, I met with two prospective students. One signed on to work with me, but the other is still mulling it over. After rehearsal, I ran a few errands and then came back to my cold, lonely apartment. I can’t believe it, but I actually miss having roommates. There was always someone around to entertain me.
Anastasia and Katrina are out of town, enjoying a quick getaway for their anniversary. And I haven’t connected with anyone else yet, not on the level where I’d be comfortable asking them to dinner or to grab coffee.
Well, that’s not entirely true… I do know someone who’s always around. With a sigh, I pick up my phone to text Wyatt. I don’t want to do this. Especially after he witnessed my epic meltdown last week, I don’t want to go to him again.
He promised to look out for me, after all. And as patronizing as it is… I kind of like the idea of someone taking care of me. Only a little bit. Not coddling, only… supporting.
Pulling up his contact, I stare at his name. Can I really do this? Is it worth putting myself out there? What if he says no? What if he mocks me for the rest of eternity?
