Page 23 of Ruck Me Harder

With a grunt of frustration, I take out my ponytail and tie it up again.

“You’re stalling,” Kiana accuses.

I could give her excuses, but they’d be just that—excuses.

He brings up bad memories. He makes me insecure. I don’t like the way I feel around him.

But I don’t want to share any of that. I’ve already told too many people. Sooner or later, it’s going to get back to him, and I am not looking forward to that conversation.

“He’s not interested in me,” I tell her. “So it’s a moot point.”

“But if he were…”

I shake my head. “He’s not. So it doesn’t matter.”

He’s gorgeous, I’ll give him that. And we definitely had a spark three years ago.

That doesn’t mean I want more. I don’t even know what I want.

“I’m not really looking to date anyone right now,” I finally say.

Kiana laughs. “Who said anything about dating? Screw him and move on.”

“Tried that,” I mutter. “Didn’t work.”

Her eyebrows go up. “Excuse me?”

Shit. I didn’t mean to say that.

“You can’t tell Cari,” I tell her urgently.

“I won’t.” She crosses an X over her heart. “Tell. Me. Everything.”

“We hooked up at the Olympics. It was a one and done thing.” My cheeks warm, remembering the heat of that night. “I hadn’t seen him again until…”

Kiana’s mouth drops open. “Was it that bad?”

“Worse.” It was that good. “So yeah, I’m not looking to go down memory lane. And I’m definitely not trying to start something there. It’s just that every time I turn around, there he is.”

“Oh, hey,” she says, waving exuberantly to someone behind me.

Fuck.

Is he here? Did she see him? Did he hear?

I duck my head, trying to hide.

Kiana laughs. “Stop it, you goober. He’s not here.”

“You’re mean.” I swat at her shoulder. “That’s cruel.”

“We just have to find you someone else,” she says, like it’s that easy.

“I’m not looking for anything…”

“That’s when you find it,” she says. “When you try to find it, you never will. If you let it happen naturally, it will come to you.”

Maybe that philosophy works for dating, but it doesn’t apply to the rest of my life. I’m used to pushing, working for what I want. College athletics scholarship? Earned. Make the national team? Named to the team. Go to the Olympics? Done and done. Bring home a medal? Check. Become the best at my sport? Still a work in progress, but I’m still working on it.