Page 88 of Sportsball is for Lovers

“I do?”

“Think back to all of your books. The character needs a bit of prodding to realize they’re in love.”

“It’s not that,” I’m quick to assure her.

She blinks at me.

“I just… I like him.”

“You’re kind of supposed to like the guy you’re shacking up with,” Lu teases.

“We’re not shacking up. We’re just…”

She laughs. “Babe. He’s at your house every day.”

She would know. He’s in the background of our daily video chats nearly every day as he gets ready for work.

“He doesn’t live with me. He still lives with Yoni.”

My statement rings hollow. He might get his mail at his brother’s house, but for all intents and purposes, he lives with me. He just hasn’t moved in yet.

“You care about him.”

My throat tightens. “I do.” The words are quiet. “I like him a lot.”

“So what’s the holdup?”

“I just don’t know what happens next,” I tell her.

Lu blinks at me. “You get railed into next week by a hottie Pleasure Dom?”

My cheeks heat. “Aside from that.”

“What else is there?”

“I mean… I don’t want kids. Neither does he,” I add. “And neither of us wants to get married. So what do we do?”

“You live your fucking life.” LuAnn reaches for my arm, squeezing. “You enjoy the happiness. We’re all so caught up in this fairytale of Happy Ever After we forget to live in the here and now.”

“The fairytale is our lives’ work. It’s literally what we’re doing right now.” I wave my arm at the manuscript in front of me.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” She rolls her eyes. “The fairytale is the neat time skip where he doesn’t forget to hang up towels and you magically never get PMS and there isn’t any conflict, it just rushes to a wedding and babies. The fairytale ignores the real life stuff that happens in everyone’s lives. Like one of you being a blanket hog. Or trouble with the in-laws, because everyone’s extended family isn’t magical and perfect. It’s one person being a saver and the other a spender. It’s sex droughts and communication and work.”

“You make it sound so appealing,” I tell her dryly.

“There’s good, too,” she says.

“Like what?”

“Like spending your life with a person who understands you and wants the best for you. Having someone to rely on when things get tough. A person to celebrate the milestones with. Growing old with someone. Entwining your lives, so your family is his and his is yours—the family members you want to claim, that is. It’s shared vacations and memories and accidentally using each other’s toothbrush. Having someone in your corner.”

“I want that.” My voice shakes. “Maybe not the toothbrush part, but the rest of it, I really want that.”

“And do you think Jared could be that person for you?” she prods.

My heart stops.

Lu pokes me where it hurts.