Page 73 of Sportsball is for Lovers

twenty-four

. . .

Sadie

“Okay, girl. Spill.”

Rachel winces. “There’s nothing to spill. It’s fine.”

I fix her with a glare. “Sweetheart. Monkey. Angel. Talk to me.”

“Okaaaaaay.” She takes a sip of her mimosa. “He’s fine. He's just....We're not moving forward.”

I raise my eyebrows.

She’s been vague about what’s up with her and Erik, but the last two times I saw her, she didn’t look happy. At the Seder six weeks ago, she was downright miserable. I cashed in on our promised brunch and waited for drinks to be served before ensnaring her in my trap.

My heart hurts for my friend. She’s so gentle, so kind. She gives so much. All I want is for her to be loved by someone who deserves her.

“He made all these promises about getting married, and I don’t want to give him an ultimatum, but he said three years ago he wanted to propose. And I don’t want him to propose, per se. An engagement means nothing if there isn’t a wedding date and then a future planned after it. I don’t need a ring—I want us to be married. I want us to embark on the next stage of our lives together. I don’t want to stagnate.”

“What does he say? When you ask him about a timeline?”

She sighs. “He just keeps saying he’s not ready. And that’s valid,” she hurries to add. “I’m not trying to rush him. But, shit, girl, I’m thirty-two. I want to have kids. I want to be married before we start trying for kids. We’ve been together for six years. It’s like, either he’s ready or he will never be ready.”

“What does he need from you? In order to get there?”

Rach shrugs. “I’m not sure. He doesn’t tell me specifics, just that he’s not ready.”

I take a hefty sip of my mimosa. She doesn’t need my strong, single, not-interested-in-marriage viewpoint right now. She needs support.

Although…

In the last few weeks, things have changed for me. I don’t know that I’d necessarily give her the same advice now as I would have done BJ—Before Jared.

It’s difficult for me to shift from my single mindset to being in a relationship. I still consider myself to be single, even though I have a committed dating relationship. It’s a mindset thing more than anything to me. I’m not not committed to Jared. I’m just… in my head, I’m still single.

I’ve been single for a long time. How do I shift that mindset?

Since Sammy, I haven’t been interested in partnering up with anyone. Sure, I have friends. Sure, I have people I partner with for work. But I never had a romantic partner.

And now I do.

It’s weird having to care about someone else’s feelings, to work their schedule into mine. I’m not used to being held accountable to anyone else. My family never really cared to see beyond the surface-level. My friends have always accepted me at face value. Jared sees beyond that. It’s disconcerting.

But I really like it. It surprises me how much.

Next week, I have to stand in front of my entire family and introduce him as my boyfriend. That’s a level of commitment I don’t know that I’m ready for. I haven’t even told them I’m bringing someone, half convinced either he—or I—will back out at the last minute.

They say you don’t truly know someone until you travel with them. Add in meeting the parents on top of that? Gag me with a spoon. It’s my personal idea of hell.

Although we have had some pretty explosive hotel room sex. Maybe that is what I should look forward to. There’s something about trying to break a steel bed frame that turns me on like no other. And not having to clean the sheets after? Sign me the fuck up.

Rachel sighs again. “I just want him to put the same effort into the relationship as I am. It’s like I do all the emotional labor and he just glides through life on my coattails. Like, why do I have to be the one to remind him to do chores? It’s his apartment, too. He should know how to empty the dishwasher and to scrub the fucking toilet.”

“Can you increase the housecleaner?” They have a service that comes once a month. I use the same service, actually. I have them set to come biweekly because I do not enjoy cleaning.

My friend glares at me. “Who do you think schedules them?”