Page 71 of Puck Me Twice

I still don’t particularly like physical touch, but when Vanessa holds my hand or leans into me, I enjoy it. When the guys slap me on the back… I mean, I deal with it. Since I know it’s meant to show camaraderie, it doesn’t bother me as much as when there’s no reason for it.

And now… sitting across from Vanessa in the candlelight and with the soft music playing around us…

“Do you realize this is our first date?” she asks, a smile on her lips.

I jolt.

It is.

“Does that… bother you?” I venture carefully.

She cocks her head. “No, I don’t think so. We went about all of this backwards. So, I guess as long as we make an effort to do this going forward, I think it’ll be okay.”

“It’s been a long time since I went on a date,” I admit quietly.

“You know all about my last relationship.” She sips her wine. “When was yours?”

“It ended four years ago.” Right after she started working for the team and came back into my life. “I think she’s married to another hockey player now back home in Sweden. We don’t keep in touch.”

“Do you miss her?” It’s a landmine of a question, but her expression is open and inquisitive, like she genuinely wants to know, judgment-free.

“No,” I say honestly. “I haven’t thought of her in years, really.”

“And you haven’t dated since?”

I shake my head. “It wasn’t the right time.”

And since Vanessa had the whole no hockey players rule…

“Why did it end?”

“I thought I was happy,” I admit. “And then one day, I realized I was settling. I was fine, going through the motions, doing what I was supposed to do. Until I wasn’t. So when I went home, I ended it, and she moved out two days later.”

“And how long were you together?”

Pursing my lips, I try to remember. “A few years. We hadn’t set a date yet, and she wasn’t pushing for it, so I wasn’t sure why either of us were waiting. It just… wasn’t right.”

Vanessa stares at me. “Set a date? Like…”

“For the wedding.”

“You were engaged? And just… ended it? Like, you decided on your way to practice that she wasn’t right for you, and it had to end?” She gapes at me.

“Pretty much.”

I’d been walking into the training facility on a Monday morning when I smelled the scent of Vanessa’s floral perfume, and the memory made me instantly rock-hard—which is not a good thing when trying to lift heavy weights in the weight room. She went on a tour of the facility an hour later, stopping in the gym, and I nearly dropped the dumbbells in my hands when I saw her.

We left that night on a road trip. When we got back on Wednesday, and I saw her in the office talking animatedly with Jacky, I just—I knew.

When I got back to the apartment, I told Marika we should talk, and then I ended it. I couldn’t string her along. It wasn’t fair to her to pretend when I’d found what I actually wanted. Who I actually wanted.

The fact that nothing would happen with Vanessa was irrelevant. Marika deserved better than to be someone’s second choice.

“That seems… sudden.”

Calm and collected, I lift my shoulders in a simple shrug, though inside I’m vibrating with anxiety. My knee bounces uncontrollably under the table.

“When you know, you really know.”