Page 18 of End Game

Coach is waiting for us with a pile of black backpacks with the Newton logo on it.

“Gear day,” she announces. “Everyone grab one on your way out.”

Dressing quickly in a pair of loose denim shorts and a plain black tank top, I throw the bag over my shoulder and head back out to the stands.

Barrett grins at me as I approach. He reaches out his hand and, confused, I slap it for a low five. He laughs.

“Give me your bag,” he says, taking it from my hand where I’m holding it slack. He slings it over his shoulder.

“You don’t have to carry my bag,” I tell him, despite the fact that I could barely manage the new backpack plus my existing gear bag.

“Shut up.” He tugs on one of my braids. “Dinner, yeah?”

“I am so hungry.”

He slings his arm over my shoulder, steering me in the direction of the ASC. Even though it’s been less than a week, I already know this walk like the back of my hand.

Greg, Wes, Miles, and Sam are already eating by the time we arrive. They left the two seats on the end open for me and Barrett. I take what’s become my usual spot beside him and tuck into my chicken parm.

The guys are carb-loading before their game tomorrow. I’m a little grossed out by the vast amount of food on their plates.

They’re big guys, all six-foot plus and close to three hundred pounds, and they’re about to expend a lot of energy. Realistically, I know they need the calories. As a dietetics and nutrition major, I know that carb-loading will help them play their best tomorrow. But as a person with a small stomach, I’m a little repulsed by how big their plates are.

Barrett nudges me. “Not hungry?”

I take a bite of my chicken and renew my attention on my dinner. Practice was good, if a little long. My legs feel like jello.

From across the dining hall, I can see Johanna staring at us. She’s sitting with Robin, Rosie, Rachel, and Rebecca. I don’t know how to bring this up to Barrett. Does he know Johanna? It’s a relatively small school. It’s not that all Chinese people know each other. But she clearly knows who he is.

Do I want my best friend to date my team captain?

No, not really. I don’t want Barrett to date anyone, period. He’s always been all mine. I don’t want to have to share him with some random girl. I don’t want any other girl vying for his attention and affection, especially now that he’s physically so attentive and affectionate. He’s not like this with Sam or Mason. I like that it’s something he reserves for me, for us.`

I don’t even know what kind of girls he’s interested in. He’s called me on his way home from his hookups a few times, drunk and remorseful. He never sounds like he’s having a good time. Casual dating isn’t for everyone. I’ve gotten to the point where it no longer fulfills me. If I’m going to sleep with someone, I want to know them first and like them as a person, which hasn’t always been the case. I don’t want casual. I want something real.

At the same time, I don’t know what I’m looking for in a guy. Someone who makes me feel good, I guess. Someone who understands that I don’t have a lot to give. Between school, soccer, and this thing with my dad, I’m pretty tapped out emotionally. I can’t add another emotional time-suck to my life.

So I guess I’m going to be celibate for a while. That doesn’t scare me as much as it might have at one time.

Besides, I have Barrett. My best friend is finally in the same place as me. We can spend as much time together as we can both tolerate. Tonight he has to go to bed early in advance of the home game kicking off at one, but tomorrow night we are going to go out and party our faces off. Or whatever people at Newton do for a good time.

Despite his plate being three times as full as mine, he finishes before me. Barrett sets his hand on my shoulder.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lie.

He frowns. “You don’t have to lie to me.”

I sigh. “Just thinking.”

He tugs on one of my braids. “Don’t think too hard, Dee.”

Offering him a small smile, I try to concentrate on my dinner. He pushes his chair back and disappears into the cafeteria line, reappearing a few minutes later with two chocolate protein brownie sundaes. He sets one in front of me.

“Eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” I dig my spoon into the brownie anyway. It’s rich and chocolatey. My stomach flips. He knew exactly what would turn my night around.