Page 153 of Just Wait

The view down her front is killer, and my hand tightens on her lower stomach over her scars.

“I like you so fucking much,” I whisper before I can stop myself.

Her hand falls to rest over mine as her tits jiggle from how violently she struggles to catch her breath.

“Me too,” she says equally as softly.

It’s going to hurt if she tries to leave. I guess that means we need to work twice as hard to make her want to stay.

She grins before her face turns serious. “I hate to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be a bloodbath when you pull out.”

I kiss the side of her head. “That just gives us an excuse to soap each other up.”

She nods shakily. “You’re like magic, Riser. No matter how anxious I am, you always manage to put me at ease.”

She’s so sincere that my chest feels weird.

Being around her makes my days brighter than they’ve been in a long time, but I don’t want her to feel pressured to stick around just so I won’t spiral.

I want her to choose to stay with us because she wants to be here.

A relationship should never feel like an obligation.

We make our way to the bus, change, and snuggle in the bedroom. I’m not tired, but we put a movie on, lying together in companionable silence.

As I run my fingers over Lumen’s stomach, she cuddles back against my chest. Using my elbow, I push up and use that hand to brush the hair from her face before resting my head on my palm.

“Whatcha thinking about?” I ask because the air feels heavy.

She shrugs. “My dad.”

I’ve heard bits and pieces about their relationship. He was a musician, and I wonder if she has fears that if she were to get into a relationship with us that it would end like it did for her mother. Or even how things went with her and Theo.

“He’s not in good shape,” she says softly. “The last time I saw him, he’d just had a procedure to drain extra fluid off his stomach. His liver is damaged, and now his kidneys are shutting down. I texted him tonight. It left me thinking about him.”

“He’s an alcoholic?”

“Yeah,” she says, grimacing. “Although he’s done every drug under the sun, I’m pretty sure he settled on alcohol because it’s easier to get and probably cheaper.”

“I’m sorry.” My thoughts circle to Andrew, and my stomach aches like it always does when I think about him.

“Me too,” she whispers. “I’m going to get that big payday from the label. I’ve been considering offering to pay for rehab.” She brings her hand to cover her face. “But then, I’m so afraid that it’ll be wasted money. That sounds so bad. I’m not sure he would even want to go. If he did go, and managed to quit drinking, I’m not sure it would actually extend his life, but that money would give me a real chance at a better future. Then I just feel like shit. Totally selfish for even thinking that way.”

“That is complicated, but he made his choices in life. At some point, you have to focus on setting up your own future.” I will myself to purr, and my chest sputters before vibrating with the sound. I want to comfort her, or maybe that’s just what I tell myself. “I know what it’s like to care about someone. To want them to get better, but to not have any faith that they’ll put in the commitment necessary to quit.”

“Drew?”

“Yeah.”

The shitty part is that I have the money to blow on rehab for Andrew, and it wouldn’t negatively impact my life in any way. Hell, even after sending a ton to my family every year, I have enough stacked away that I could send him multiple times until it stuck.

“I met Drew when I was at my lowest,” I tell her. “He brought me into his band. Made a real effort to get to know me. He just kept showing up until I let my walls down. He taught me there were other ways to cope outside of cutting. I’m pretty sure he saved my life. Once we made it big, he found his one true love—opiates.”

“Shit,” she says. “That’s the worst of the bunch because of the physical withdrawals.”

“Exactly.” I nod, smoothing my hand over the scars on her lower stomach. “The guilt is extreme. He saved me, but I couldn’t do the same for him, and I fucking hate it. Once the label cut him, he walked. He hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts.”

“I’m so sorry, Riser.”