Page 69 of Where Angels Fall

“No,” I gasp. “No, no, no, no.”

Ash's eyes fall closed slowly as he exhales, his face a picture of desperate dread. But I can't focus on that.

All I can see is the silent scream etched onto Thomas's dismembered head. It lies in the middle of the club, blood still dripping out from where his neck used to be attached to his shoulders.

Nausea roils in my stomach as I stand frozen, eyes wide on the head of the man I considered a new friend. The man I danced with just hours before. The man who held me and kissed me, and fucked me. Now lifeless, without even a body to bury.

“Who would do this?'“ I mutter to no one, to anyone. “Why would they do this? Who would do this?”

Everyone's silent, their heads hung heavy as they stare at their brother. A look of despair on their faces.

Thomas’s sandy blonde hair is matted with crimson. The air in the club is wildly different to how it was just hours before when we were celebrating. Now death and grief hang heavy, along with the stench of blood.

And then it hits me.

This is retaliation.

This is retaliation from last night when we burned down that building. Whoever owned that Casino has fired back in the worst of ways. They took it and they used it to kill one of the Devils.

“This is my fault,” I gasp.

I gag, turning just in time to throw up on the floor, heaving the contents of my stomach as the realisation settles heavy in my bones.

Ash strides over to me, gripping my face in both of his hands, his eyes wild as he looks down at me. “This isn’t your fault, baby,” he hisses, hands trembling beside my face. “I promise this isn’t your fault.”

“I threw the bottle, Ash! It’s because of that, isn’t it?” My cry is jagged, my heart breaking as I see the look on Ash’s face. “He’s dead! Because of me!”

Sadness weighs heavily in his eyes as he shakes his head, letting his forehead fall to mine.

“Please,” he sighs. “Please believe me. This isn’t on you.” And I want to. I want to believe him so badly, but the truth is clear to see. “But I need you to go, Angel. You hear me? I’ll come find you when I’m done.”

I nod, and he steps back, his warmth disappearing in an instant. Like a magnet, my eyes are drawn back to Thomas. Or what’s left of him, my heart cracking in my chest.

“Kai, get her the fuck out of here,” Ash growls once more.

Kai lifts my shaking body, scooping me into his arms. Shock seizes me as he carries me out. My eyes lock on Thomas, his face twisted in pain and fear, and they remain on him all the way to the very moment the door shuts behind us.

Ugly, raw sobs tear from my chest, and I barely remember Kai placing me in the seat of a random truck. I barely remember the drive over. I couldn't tell you how I got to the front door of my apartment, Kai next to me, waiting for me to enter.

My fingers shake as I reach for my key, and it fumbles from my hands onto the ground. Kai ducks down to pick it up, sliding the key into the door on the first try. I move to shove it open, but he stops me with a hand up.

“I will kill the man who did this,” he murmurs softly, and weirdly it brings me more comfort than it should.

My eyes drop to the ground as he finally steps away, letting me enter my apartment that no longer feels like a home.

Not that it ever did.

The door behind me echoes. My tears start again. They start slow, but then they begin pouring out, one after the other, as my chest heaves with sobs. Hardwood bites into my back as I fall against the door, slowly sliding down until I'm crouching on the floor, drawing my knees to my chest and hugging them tight. My face falls against my knees as I weep; grief, shock, despair, and fear coming out in one single tidal wave.

Foolish. I've been so foolish pretending that this isn't Ash's life, pretending that their everyday lives don't involve death and war.

How could I be so stupid? How could I throw those flames and not expect something bad to come from it? Every decision in my life has been calculated for a reason. To stop the consequences and limiting all risks.

And this is one big consequence.

My body trembles as I clutch onto myself as hard as I can, falling apart at the front of my apartment. Stupidly, the only person I want to comfort me is Ash. Yet, something inside of me screams not to think that. Screams that his world is not for me. I might be able to play pretend for one night, let all my ambitions go and run wild with the Devils, but that's all it is.

It’s pretend.