Page 19 of Marriage & Mockery

“I am.”

He took another step in, then stopped again. “I didn’t know if…I mean, I’m glad.”

I picked up my wineglass and took a small sip before setting it back down. “Four hundred a night for a hotel adds up quickly. And I didn’t have a kitchen.”

“The money doesn’t matter, but I’m sure you hated not being able to cook.”

“Yeah.” Almost as much as I didn’t like how well he knew me. “And Felicity left town with Weston for a charity golf tournament this morning. She stayed with me for a few days, and I wasn’t looking forward to being completely alone again.”

“I’m glad you had her keeping you company, at least.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I just wish I hadn’t given you good reason to not want to be here.”

“You’re not the only one,” I muttered before taking another sip of wine.

“Are you staying?”

“Beyond what I’m feeding our daughter and where I’m going to sleep tonight, I’m not sure what I’m doing, Bennett.” I huffed out a breath at his hopeful expression. “Which sure as heck is not next to you. I’m using the guest room at the end of the hall.”

“That’s not fair to you.” He scrubbed his palm down his beard. “I’m the one who fucked up. You should be in our bedroom.”

I shrugged. “Too late for that, my stuff is already in there.”

“Okay, but let me know if you change your mind. I’ll move in there. Whatever you need.”

“Don’t make offers like that when you can’t back them up.” His brows drew together, and I explained, “You can give me space to figure out what the heck I’m going to do now that I was let in on your not-so-little secret, but what I actually need is for you to go back in time and never make the decision to use the woman you claimed to love as fodder for jokes that the entire world would see and then admit to it on national television.”

“I’m so damn sorry.”

I held up my hand and was proud that it didn’t shake. “You’ve already said that, repeatedly. I don’t need your apologies again. I don’t want to talk this out, at least not yet. I’m not picking up where we left off. The only difference is that the space I’m taking is inside this house instead of a hotel.”

He swallowed. “Okay.”

“I mean it, Bennett.”

“I know you do.” He dipped his chin. “I’ll respect the boundary.”

Being under the same roof again without any of our usual ease threw me even more off kilter. After only five minutes alone with him, I wasn’t sure if I could actually do this.

“I’m going to finish my wine in my room.” I refilled my glass before picking it up. “You should eat something if you’re hungry. The food’s in the fridge. Lucy likes her sandwich with ketchup on one slice of bread.”

Then I headed upstairs, feeling the distance between us grow with every step I took and hating how much I needed it.

Lucy came rushing out of her room with wet hair as I reached the top landing. “That was fast.”

“Yeah.” She flashed me a soft smile. “I really want a meatloaf sandwich.”

“Dad is in the kitchen.” I brushed a kiss against her cheek as she drew close. “And I let him know how you like yours made.”

“Thanks, Mom.” She gave me a quick hug before darting down the stairs.

I continued down the wrong side of the hallway, closed the guest room door behind me, and slumped against the hard surface. I’d already done my laundry, changed the sheets, and put my stuff away in the closet and dresser. My toiletries were in the attached bathroom, and there wasn’t anything else I needed to do to get settled. Or to distract me from feeling like a stranger in my own home.

I’d made the right call in drawing a clear line with Bennett. I just hadn’t expected to hurt even more than being at the hotel had.

11

BENNETT

Iwoke up to a quiet house and the other half of our bed still empty. But at least my wife was under the same roof again. Not that it provided much comfort with the pain and sadness I’d seen in her pretty brown eyes last night. I was no longer quite so certain I’d be able to figure out a way to make up for all the damage I caused.