Page 43 of Walk the Line

But with that said, I don’t even know what “good use” would be in reference to me. I never really gave myself the time to think about what it is I actually love in the bedroom. I guess I can say I’ve had good enough but I always knew something was missing. I always knew there was more than good out there for me, and I’m finally starting to realise what that looks and feels like.

It’s been rough out here, and now, thanks to Julius, I finally know what it feels like to be one of those women.

His skills, groans and enthusiasm aren’t things I plan to let go of anytime soon, especially when they’re coming from him, the big, burly man on his knees for me.

Finding a way to get out of my comfort zone and socialise more hasn’t been easy so far, and I still feel the loneliness that sits in me every day.

But although Julius and I are just fucking, it’s nice to actually be around someone, someone who’s very similar to me at that, as much as I hate to admit it.

Overall, I think it’s safe to say I’m a mess. Does really have their shit figured out in their second year of university? All I want is to make it through the year at least.

Situating myself back into the present, I’m ready for the party to die down. It feels like it’s been going on forever, and I’m about a few minutes away from demanding whoever’s controlling the music to turn it off so everyone can get out of here.

Maybe I spoke too soon about not getting out of my comfort zone. Looking at the groups of people huddled around, the games being played and the drinks being passed around, I think this whole night has been far from what I’m used to, even just in the fact that I spent a lot of my time listening to Reigan talking.

I can barely remember what he said, I mean, the guy definitely has a lot more than to me to say about pretty much anything in life. But as soon as I acknowledged someone from the team was actually being nice to me, I felt compelled to stay. It’s one less person I feel invisible to.

But there’s no going back into my room now, especially when I’m finding reasons to stay out here.

“You’re definitely done for the night, beautiful,” I hear from behind me and turn to find a guy with his arm around a girl who does look to be done. “Let me walk you home, yeah? I don’t want you going out there by yourself, especially when I’m here.”

I don’t take a second to think before I say, “I’ll walk her home.”

“Oh, nah, it’s cool, I’ve got it.” He throws me a confused look.

“I’ll walk her home,” I repeat, but focus my next question on her. “Do you want this guy here to walk you home?”

“I just want my bed.” Her slurred voice doesn’t come as a surprise to me. “Let’s go this way.”

I direct her to the front door, but don’t act quick enough when she tumbles to the ground behind it.

“Fuck!” she says, her long tumbling around her.

With my hand instantly extended towards her, I say, “Here, let me help you up.”

“Thanks, I hate these shoes,” I hear her mumble, probably more to herself as she comes up.

“You good?” I ask.

“Wow, you really are gorgeous,” she responds, her eyes heavily focused on me.

“Um…thanks. Did you come by yourself?”

“No, I was with my friend but then there was this guy she has a crush on and I was encouraging her to talk to him while I was talking to…that guy.” She points in a direction I don’t think even exists. “But then I didn’t want him anymore, so I’m so glad you saved me from that because you know when the words are just not coming out as quickly as you want them to sometimes? So I couldn’t even tell him to leave me alone, but I feel like you basically did, so thank you. I don’t even know where my friend is now but maybe it’s for the best because I don’t want to cock block, you know?”

She delivers her string of words like she’s getting paid by the second.

I haven’t been around drunk people in a while, so I give myself credit for even understanding her.

But the only response I can muster is, “I guess.”

“Sorry, I could have answered that in a sentence.”

“How drunk are you? I ask.

“Just a little bit,” she says, using her fingers to gesture the small amount. “But maybe it’s a little more than a little.” She pauses. “Wait, why does that sound so funny right now? A little more than a little.”

“It probably has something to do with the fact that you’re drunk.”