Page 21 of Walk the Line

I head straight for Coach Campbell’s office when I leave the Hockey rink, fighting hard to keep every frustrated thought of mine inside until I’m standing in front of him.

I don’t bother sitting down opposite him, feeling satisfied when he gets straight to the point.

“Well done on making the team.”

“Thanks, Coach.”

“How did you find your team last year?”

“Well, we won a few games. We lost more.”

“Yes, but how did you find the team?”

Maybe he could tell I’ve been meaning to have this conversation about some of the guys on the team. “It could have been better,” I begin. “I did a lot of the heavy lifting.”

“You found that some of the players were lacking?”

“They brought me down.”

He watches his desk for a moment, before he says,“Did you try to motivate any of them to do better?”

“You either have it or you don’t,” I say quickly. It’s the truth my dad always instilled in me.

Coach sighs. “I want to know about something youmay not have. Do you have any self awareness?”

What the fuck?

First Kaylah, now him. But this is just not a question that’s relevant to me.

“I’m nothing without self awareness, Coach.”

“Really? Because you’re standing in front of me telling me that you had a poor team last year, and the only reason you won the games you won was because of you.”

“Are you going to tell me that’s not true?”

I try most of the time to remain humble, but it does end up getting to a point.

“And to make matters worse, you’re putting down the performance of others, but you never once had a conversation with anyone to motivate them, which, let’s face it, would have probably done wonders.”

If I believe you either have it or you don’t, there is no amount of conversation that could change that.

I try to explain this, starting with, “Coach—“ But his voice cuts in straight away.

“But you either have it or you don’t right?” he fires back at me.

“It’s the truth,” I double down.

Shaking his head, he’s silent for a moment. After a while he says, “Seeing as we’re giving up the truth, you want to know why I made you Captain?” I don’t give a response because I know he’s not looking for one from me. “Yes, you’re one of the best. Because of that you were always going to have extreme relevancy on the team, but from the moment I met you I knew exactly what to expect from you. Well, if I’m being honest, I had pretty low expectations and you didn’t even live up to them.” He releases another sigh. “I knew you would be cocky, fine. I thought at first, you might see yourself as a one man team, but eventually you would look around you and realise that you’re not a fucking island. You have team members who need you to actually talk to them and motivate them, because that’s what a good fucking Captain does. Instead, you go out on that ice, and you’re fucking selfish, Hunner. You’re watching out for yourself and yourself only on that fucking ice, and then you talk about how the team is bringing you down. What, the team who might respect you for your ability but they don’t feel comfortable being around you, and they certainly don’t feel the unity that should come with being on a sports team?” After a pause, he says, “The fact that you have a confused look on your face is exactly why I asked you about self awareness. Let me break it down for you. You were not a good Captain last year. I was a good Coach, but in order for success, everyone needs to play their part and they need to play it well. I know there are a lot of factors into why you might win or lose a game, but I need you to know that your performance as Captain didn’t help matters at all. I also need you to know that while I saw you as a natural leader, part of the reason I made you Captain was because it was clear to me that you would be even less of a team player without it. But now we’re here and my problem is still with you being a team player. Those guys didn’t know you last year and I’m not going to have that for this year, too. Not when it’s so important. So here’s how things are going to work. You will be Captain, along with Kaylah. I see she’s similar to you in that she’s more reserved, but I’m gonna be honest, in just that one game, she showed me that she doesbelieve in team work. I need you to believe in it too, so I’m giving you this one chance to show me that you do. I want to see a united front between all my players by the time we get to half season and if I don’t, I will take you off as Captain midway through the season and you won’t get that opportunity from me again.”

I replay his words in my mind, trying to work out how this conversation took such a turn.

But the possibility of him taking my title of Captain away from me is what I’m stuck on.

“You can’t be serious right now,” I say.

“Oh, I’m serious,” he says. “And another thing, I know you played between Centre and Defenseman last year. This year, you’re going to stick to being just Right Defenseman. Kaylah will be Centre.”

I’m starting to think this woman has been planted into my life as payback for all my wrongdoings.