Page 48 of The Man in the Cottage

Now it just feels lonely.

I think about the rink in Longshore. The burned-out sign, the ancient Zamboni, Frank watching me from the boards without saying much. It wasn't fancy. It wasn't professional. But it felt like mine in a way this place never has.

Maybe that's the difference. Here, I'm a commodity. A player, an asset, a name on a roster. In Longshore, I was just a guy who needed somewhere to skate. No pressure, no expectations, no one waiting to see if I'd fail.

I do a few more laps, then finally head for the locker room. Most of the guys have already showered and left. Jaxson is still there, though, sitting on the bench like he was waiting for me.

"Hey." He stands up. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just tired."

"Tired, or something else?"

I lift my head and look at him. Jaxson has known me for years. He can read me better than almost anyone. There's no point lying.

"I don't know if I want this anymore," I say.

He doesn't react, just waits for me to continue.

"Being here, skating with the team—it used to be the only thing that mattered. But now..." I shake my head. "I keep thinking about Virginia. About the life I was building there. And this feels like going backwards."

"Maybe it is."

"What?"

"Maybe it is going backwards." He shrugs. "Look, I love hockey. I'm going to play until my body falls apart. But that's me. Everyone's different. If you found something that makes you happy, something that feels more right than this, maybe that's worth paying attention to."

"But this is my career. This is everything I've worked for."

"So? People change careers all the time. They walk away from things that aren't serving them anymore." He leans back against the locker. "The question is whether you're walking away because you're scared, or because you genuinely want something different."

I think about it. Am I scared? Scared of what happened, scared it could happen again, scared of who I become when I'm under this much pressure?

Or do I just want something different?

"I don't know," I admit.

"Then figure it out." Jaxson stands up. "But do it soon. Because if you're going to be here, you need to be all the way here. The team deserves that. You deserve that."

He heads for the showers, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

My phone buzzes in my bag. I pull it out and see a text from Kelly.

How was practice?

I stare at the screen for a long moment. Then I type back: Hard. In a lot of ways.

Want to talk about it?

When I get back. There's a lot to figure out.

I'll be here.

Three words again. I'll be here. Simple and steady and exactly what I need to hear.

I put the phone away and start peeling off my gear. I don't have answers yet. I don't know what I want or who I'm supposed to be. But I know one thing for certain.

Whatever I decide, Kelly is part of the equation now. She's the thing I keep coming back to, the thing that makes the rest of it make sense.