Page 47 of Falling Again

“Keep singing, please, I like it.”

“Only for your ears, Chlo. You’re the exception.” So I keep singing, just loud enough for Chloe to hear and she rests her head on my chest as we sway.

As we finish the song, Chloe releases my hand and grabs Annika’s, pulling all four of us toward the ocean. The water hits our feet and it feels cool, but in the best way, like a reset.

My cheeks burn. I’m smiling harder than I can remember. The faces of my best friends around me. My found family. I am smiling like I did when I was a kid. I look over and see Chloe beaming back at me, I grab her by the waist and spin her around in the water as she laughs against my neck.

I think I’m in too deep.

NINETEEN

CHLOE

THEN

I’ve never experienced love like this before—the all-consuming whirlwind of passion. Everything I see reminds me of Dane. I wake up to “good morning” texts and get “good night” ones before I fall asleep. I receive daily messages telling me how lovely and perfect I am. I go to sleep reading silly, sloppy haikus. He writes about how much he loves me. He loves me. He told me so four months into dating, and we’ve been saying it to each other every day since. I love him so deeply that I couldn’t breathe if he weren’t in my life.

I can tell Annika thinks it’s all too much. She won’t admit it to me, but I know she wants me to slow down and take it easy. But I can’t stop. I knew I wanted to be with him since I locked eyes with him at the coffee shop. I even hold back from telling Annika any details so she doesn’t worry too much about me. About how obsessed I am with him.

But she is distracted now with Reid. I desperately want her to make it work with him so we can go on double dates. They work out great from where I’m standing, but Anni is holding back. I don’t know why. But even so, she should feel free to date anyone. She can’t be so serious about everything. We’re in college; this is the place to try new things. When we first got here, I’d wear different styles of outfits each week to see if I wanted to reinvent myself. During the week I borrowed some of Annika’s black clothes and tried my “alt girl” look, I knew it wasn’t for me, so I threw on the nearest floral dress. That’s pretty much been my style ever since.

Every day for the past month, Dane has been waiting for me outside of my first class to walk me to the next. Usually, I’d meet up with Annika and we’d walk together, but Dane insists on walking with me because there are days when he works all day and can’t see me. We’ve seen each other every day for months now. I’ve lost count, but I don’t want it to end.

I burst out of the doors from my class and see that ice-blond hair and warm, tanned skin waiting for me. He’s pinching a little flower between his fingers, spinning it around. I skip to him and swing my arms around his neck. He wraps his arms around my waist, turns me around, and then locks his mouth onto mine. His mouth aggressively roams mine, as if he’s claiming me.

He pulls away, and my lips are tingly. He tucks the flower behind my ear. “Ready, babe?”

“Mm-hmm,” I say, nodding and interlocking my fingers with his. We walk side by side, swinging arms. Many of our walks are quiet and peaceful. Occasionally, we stop to kiss each other, but we don’t talk much. Sometimes, I have a million thoughts running through my head, but I don’t want to say anything to make Dane stop giving me attention. I worry I might scare him off.

I remember that Annika wants me to go shopping with her this weekend, and I was going to ask Dane if he was okay with that. He usually wants to hang out with me on weekends, but this would be the first weekend in a string of weekends we won’t be together all day. I go to open my mouth, but bite my lip as we approach the building for my next class.

“See ya later, Chloe,” he says, giving me another kiss and swatting my butt before walking off.

“Hey, wait!” I call after him. He spins around to give me that great, big smile. “You are coming to my art show later, right?” I ask, feeling butterflies swirl around my belly.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” he says and turns back around. He’s already missed one, but I try to push the nagging feeling down.

Making my way across the quad, I head into my marketing lab in the east building. The lab classes are smaller so the professors can assist students one-on-one. Typically, everyone is just trying to catch up on the rest of their work. Annika is already inside, sitting at the desk in the back corner of the room. I slide into the seat next to her and smile at her. She has a distressed look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” I ask her.

“It’s Reid,” she says, her eyes red-rimmed from crying. “I just ran into him. I told him I couldn’t see him anymore.”

My mouth falls open. “What! Why did you do that?”

“It’s too much pressure, Chloe! I’m so stressed out with college. No one tells you how hard it is.”

I sit back and reflect briefly. I suppose I haven’t put that same pressure on myself. Sure, I haven’t been getting the best grades so far, but I’ve been loving these new experiences and getting to do things I love, like painting and meeting new people.

“How did Reid take it?”

“Terribly. I feel like shit.”

“Poor Reid,” I say, and she gives me a leveled look. “Poor you, too, but I feel bad for him, too. He was my friend too. And now I can never see him again,” I say, and Annika starts laughing.

“I guess you could still say hi to him if you saw him.”

“Nope, he’s cut out. That’s the girl code.”