Page 19 of Falling Again

“Does it matter? You wouldn’t get so defensive if it wasn’t true.” I shake my head, feeling the tears start to burn the backs of my eyes. I want to run and hide.

“I didn’t peg you to believe in gossip.”

“I want to lose my virginity before I graduate. I thought you’d be easy to give it up. But it’s already been two months, and you’re giving me crumbs.”

I shake my head, hot tears falling down my face. “I don’t know what to say. I thought you liked me.”

“I mean, yeah, you’re hot, but not enough with it going nowhere. I was trying to butter you up, but this is taking forever, Chloe. Whatever—if you don’t want to have sex, you should leave.”

“Can you take me home? You drove me here.”

“No. You can call your girlfriend to pick you up,” Liam says, standing up off the bed. I feel gross and small. I quickly slip on my shoes and storm out of his room. I open the front door and slam it shut. I hope his parents wake up and question him.

I walk down the street until I’m at a corner of the road and away from his house, so he can’t see me from a window. I sit down on the curb and try to stop the tears pouring out of my eyes as I call Annika.

“I’m on my way,” Annika says after answering on the first ring.

“Thank you,” is all I can sniffle out.

I begged Annika’s mom to write me a sick note on Monday, but she said I couldn’t let my fears control my life. So, she pushed me out the door with Annika. I’ve been silent all day. I only went from class to class and did not talk to anyone. I can hear the whispering, as if it’s amplified through the loudspeakers. The principal didn’t include it in the morning announcements, but everyone seems to know that Liam and me broke up. Not only that, but Liam must’ve told them we had sex and then broke up with me. I can’t believe he is being so slimy. It’s like the past two months were all an act. Margot coughed, “Whore” as I passed her in homeroom.

When the lunch bell rang, I nearly ran to the sanctuary of our lunch table. Luckily, Marie and Kelly were already there, bringing me little “heartbreak” gifts, as Marie calls them. Kelly crocheted me a tiny sunflower, and Marie baked me Funfetti cupcakes with star sprinkles on top. I’m halfway through my second cupcake when I hear Kelly say, “Uh-oh.”

We look up and see Annika pouncing through the crowds, coming from the direction of the cafeteria. Her lunch box is on our table, yet she holds a tray.

“What is she doing? Is that yogurt?” Kelly asks.

“Oh my god, she’s a genius,” Marie says, standing at the table to get a better look.

Annika snakes through the lunch crowd, holding a tray of three open yogurt containers. She’s looking straight ahead at our table, but dips and heads to the table with Liam and his friends. Margot is sitting next to him now. I can’t even look in his direction without wanting to throw up.

As Annika passes, Nico bumps into her right side, and the tray of yogurt she holds flies over to the table and lands directly on the laps of Liam and Margot. Margot screams, stands up dramatically, and runs to the bathroom. I hear Liam swear and follow Margot. Annika drops the tray on their table, apologizing. But before she returns to our table, she turns to Nico, smiling. He was in on it.

“Whoa, what a scene!” Marie shouts, who has her hands cupped around her eyes like they are binoculars.

Annika quickly approaches our table, and Marie gives her a high five as they sit down.

“Anni, you’re my hero,” I say to her.

She gives me a little shrug. “He had it coming.”

Nico passes our table and gives Annika another nod. I gape at Annika. “Okay, you never did tell me what happened when you gave him a ride Friday night.”

“You did what!” Marie says, spitting out the water she was drinking.

“Oh my gosh, Mar, control yourself,” Kelly says.

High school might be the worst years of my life, but at least I have this small group of friends to lean on—my little family that I can rely on to keep me safe. We look out for each other, and no matter what is going on, I can count on them when I’m at my lowest.

SEVEN

CHLOE

NOW

I’m not sure how long Tyler and I have been curled up together on the floor, but neither one of us makes a move to leave our position. I’m resting my cheek on his back with my eyes closed and listening to his breathing. My arms are around his torso, and his hands are grasping mine. Aside from our cuddle on the couch a little bit ago, this is the closest we’ve ever been. But it doesn’t feel intimate in a way that’s sexual or romantic. It’s intimate on a soul level. Like he and I are grounding one another.

I can only guess that the number of people downstairs caused the panic attack in Tyler that made him run up here for refuge. I’m trying to understand why it must’ve triggered it. He knows pretty much everyone downstairs. They are people he’s grown up with. He’s beyond familiar with them, and they probably have known him his whole life. What sent him spiraling into this state I’ve never seen before?