Page 70 of Already Falling

Maybe we were destined to just be friends. Though, I don’t know if we can. But I can’t keep running away. I love my life here. Everything about it makes my soul sing. I ran away from my life in San Diego. It feels easy to want to run away from here. I don’t want to face him again, not when I know I won’t be able to be his friend. I can’t do it. I can’t keep pretending to live a life that isn’t mine. I want to be more than his friend.

I’m just not meant to find love. I keep messing things up.

It’s been a few minutes, and I’ve just been swaying gently with the breeze, ruminating these thoughts around my head. I think I’ll go back to Ojai for a little bit. I miss my little brothers and my parents. The distance might help Reid and me cool off a bit. Then, maybe, we can try to be friends again, after some time apart. Although I don’t think it’s possible, I don’t know what will happen to us. I have Chloe. I have my family. That’s all I need. I’ll figure out how to fill the emptiness later.

My feet are blue. The water in Oregon is much colder than the water in SoCal. I turn and start my walk back to my sandals in the middle of the beach. There are some sand dollars scattered about, and I think about collecting one for Chloe, except something catches my eye. A runner is jogging up the dune and starts to slide down the hill.

FORTY

REID

That drive was too long, and my truck couldn’t go fast enough. I ran every worst-case scenario through my head. She got in an accident, or she decided to go to a different beach instead. I tried to push all those thoughts away and drive. It wasn’t until I saw her little red car that I threw my truck into the park and took off toward the beach. She is here. I still have time.

I run faster than I’ve ever run in my whole life. I’ve only come to the beach up here a handful of times, but I get winded every time I make my way through the dunes. I don’t even care today. I need to reach her. I need to catch her before she slips away again. I run until I reach the top of the second to last dune and see her standing out in the middle of the beach with her feet in the water. She’s standing with her arms at her sides, occasionally wrapping them around her shoulders. I can't stop running. I kept thinking over and over what I was going to say to her. Now that I see her, I don’t know. I just need to get to her.

I slide down the dune to the beach and make my way over to her. I wait until she sees me before jogging.

The moment she looks up and registers it’s me, she collapses.

FORTY-ONE

ANNIKA

He wasn’t supposed to come here. I was supposed to run away again. I collapse to my knees as soon as I realize it’s him. I am imagining everything. This is a daydream.

I flinch as I hear “Anni,” and Reid runs over to me. Is this real? Is he here? I look up and see him standing over me. He reaches down and tries to wrap his arms around mine and pull me up to him. But I can’t. I can’t leave the spot where I’m crouched on the sand. It’s safe down here.

He gives up quickly and joins me on the sand, pulling me against his chest and draping my legs over his left leg. He’s holding me so tightly as I collapse against his chest. His hands are running through my hair and down my back while he rocks back and forth. I think I hear him saying in a whisper, “Don’t go, please don’t go.”

Against my better judgment, I pull back and look him in those green-marbled eyes. I should’ve learned my lesson these past several years and even since my failed attempt last night. But if he’s here, if this isn’t a dream, then I need to be honest with him, honest with myself.

I look up at him, tears falling on both of our faces. I reach up and cup the side of his face.

I take a deep breath and say, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but no one will ever compare to the way you make me feel. I love who I am when I am with you. You make me want to savor every moment. I’m not capable of being just friends.”

He grabs both sides of my face, using his thumbs to wipe away the wetness under my eyes. One hand trails behind my head, and he leans in. We rest our foreheads together for a moment and share an exhale. Just like the first time we kissed, I feel a rush of relief. The butterflies in my gut flutter up through my chest and finally release around me. It’s as if I can feel them swirling around us as we embrace. Every spot he’s touching me tingles, and I melt into his touch. We close the distance and melt into each other. He presses his lips against mine, saying a million words with one kiss. He pulls away and pecks the corners of my eyes softly before grazing the edge of my jaw and my shoulder with his mouth. We lean into each other, giving into all our pent up desires and cradling each other in the sand. I don’t want this dream to end. This is how it’s supposed to be. This is how it’s supposed to end.

I open my eyes and realize it’s real. We are tangled around each other, sand in all the wrong places. He’s here. He came to me.

“You found me,” I say to him.

“Please don’t go, don’t leave anymore. I love you, Annika I-still-don’t-know-your-middle-name Gomes. It will always be you.” I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“How long has that been bothering you?”

“Too long. I felt like if I didn’t know it, I can’t love you.”

“Well, I don’t even have a middle name, so that’s a silly rule,” I say back to him. I feel the tears emerging again as we laugh. “What’s your middle name?” I ask.

“Taylor, after my mom.” I give him another soft kiss, running my fingers through his hair. He helps us stand up while I keep my arms wrapped around his torso. We shake the sand off each other.

He takes my hands and starts to sway us around the beach, dancing to the sound of the waves. He starts humming a song I don’t recognize, softly twirling me in the sand.

“I have something for you.” He fades our dance and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small black velvet bag. “I got this for you after our second date. I honestly don’t know why I kept it after all these years. We have a lot to catch up on.” He kisses my forehead as we keep swaying. “But I’m happy I held on to it. It feels like this is the moment I was meant to give it to you.”

He hands the pouch to me, and I untie the top knot pulling it gently open. I tip the pouch over, and a gold necklace spills into the palm of my hand. The pendant is a small rectangle, and I realize what it is before I flip it around. A stamp. Like the tattoo on my back, but this one has a heart embossed inside. I don’t know how many times I can fall in love with Reid Taylor Parker.

“Can you help me put it on?”