Page 63 of Already Falling

“That’s great! Are you going to do it? I’m sure there are other shelters around, too, that we can look into. Maybe you can cut down hours at the bookstore.”

“Anni. Look, I love you, so I’m going to tell you this straight. Stop trying to fix everyone. You need to focus on yourself, okay? I’ll be okay. Yeah, I don’t love my job, but I’m doing a lot better than I was a few months ago. You helped me a lot. But please, let me try to fix myself, myself. Why are you tearing up?”

I realize my eyes are getting glassy, and I exhale a deep sigh. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I want the same for you. I’m getting there, okay?” Chloe reaches for my hand and squeezes it. I don’t know if I can let her go completely. I want to help her, but she wants to try to help herself. I need to respect that. I know so deeply how that feels.

“You’ve been there for me my entire life. You were there for me when my dad left, when my mom didn’t care about me, and when my Birkenstocks were ruined at a party. Not to mention through the worst breakup of my life. You picked up my pieces and glued them together for me. I don’t know how to do it for myself. I need to try.”

“Okay, now I’m full-on sobbing. I’m sorry, I just want-”

“No! Don’t be sorry for being my best friend, my sister. I love you.”

I can’t take it, and I just reach over and squeeze her, tears streaming down my cheeks. Dandy nearly misses getting squished between our hug and jumps out to safety. Chloe’s curly hair tangles around me, and I hug her tighter. I am so thankful to have this girl by my side and someone who’s been there for the majority of my life. She’s my sister not by blood but by soul. I don’t want to lose her, and I’m afraid if I let her figure out her life, she will realize she needs to move away from me.

“Okay, can we order pancakes now? I think I’m going to tell the shelter I want to volunteer, but I need carbs in me.”

“Please do not hesitate to ask me for help. I’m happy to.”

“I know you are.” She smiles and squeezes me tighter.

We set up a little brunch moment out on the front porch, spreading out the pancakes, scrambled eggs, and veggie sausage we got delivered from a local diner so that we can serve as we wish. I bring out Chloe a glass of her favorite guava juice because I still need to confess my feelings about Reid. I’m worried about how she will take it.

I hand her the glass and give her a big smile. Her face turns from happy to suspicious as she sees the light pink juice. She keeps my gaze as I sit down, and she takes a sip.

“This is guava juice. You only get guava juice for special occasions. What’s going on?”

“I, uh, don’t know what you mean.”

Chloe keeps squinting at me as she gulps down half the glass. “Spill the beans.”

I take another deep breath, willing the heat in my cheeks to subside. I open my mouth, but she cuts me off before I can start.

“It’s about a guy. O-M-G, you’re in love with someone! I know it’s been a while, but I remember you getting all flushed like this the last time….”

I just stare at her and give her an uneasy smile. She is putting the pieces together without me saying a word. She knows me too well. When I dated Isaac and Marcus, the relationships were short-lived, flings, not something I thought about day and night. Chloe rarely heard me talk about them. I’ve thought about how unfair it was that I never gave them all my heart. I could never meet them at the level I should have. The level I feel when my heart longs for Reid. My thoughts are consumed by him. I don’t want to picture a day where he isn’t in my life.

“Annika, you need to speak because I don’t want to guess.”

“You already know. I know you do. I don’t want to say it.”

“Again?” She spears half a pancake and shoves it into her mouth, furiously chewing and swallowing before continuing. “Are you sure? I don’t need to remind you how everything went down last time. Do you think he even feels the same way toward you?”

Ouch, I wince at that last hypothetical question, and she sees it in my face. I knew it was a mistake to say anything. I should have just let this crush simmer in my life forever until one of us eventually moved away. But I know I will always compare anyone I’ll ever be with to him.

“I’m sorry, Anni, to be brutally honest. I just don’t want to see you at your lowest like that ever again. I didn’t know how to help you. I was so scared. I’m worried it will happen again.

“Also, selfishly, I’m warming up to this town. And if you try something with him again and it doesn’t work out, do we stay? Leave? This town isn’t huge.”

“He dated the baker girl down the street, and they broke up. It’s not impossible. I just, I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid, but I want to try for real. I was afraid to let myself go toward my feelings back then. I was self-sabotaging every aspect of my life. I never followed my heart toward what I actually loved. What I loved doing and who I loved being with. I was doing everything in my life for the wrong reasons.”

“Okay, so what if it does work out? Are you going to move in with him? Are you leaving me alone? Or is he moving in here? Because we’ve already decorated the place exactly how we like and I can’t imagine where we are going to fit all his books in here.”

“Whoa, okay, wait. You were just saying you want to figure things out on your own.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I want you to move away from me. I need you close! At least for the start of it all.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Even when we are old and wrinkly. I’m going to bother you for your whole life. I want your support, but I get where you are coming from.”