Page 35 of Already Falling

What? No, I’m sorry.

Reid

Sorry for what?

Why did you really swipe right Annika?

Annika

I don’t know why…

Reid

Well, figure it out.

- Reid unmatched you -

My eyes search the screen in panic. He unmatched me. I didn’t even realize that was something that could be done. I screenshot our conversation before it disappears and reread it. “I still like you.” Present tense. He still has feelings for me too. He’s right. I don’t deserve to feel his frustrations, his love, and his loss. I’m not being honest with myself. I know why I swiped right. I can't admit the full truth to him. But he would only swipe right if he wanted me to swipe right, too, right?

“Well, figure it out.” My life, my love life, my direction. I need to figure it all out. I feel emptier than I did earlier today. I should probably schedule another therapy appointment. I start walking to my car and think of how to spend the rest of the day. I’d like to do anything but be alone right now. My thoughts feel like a cyclone in my head. Spinning around and around.

Bzzz bzz bzz

It’s a Match! Chat with Jake…

Jake

Hey ;)

You’re so sexy, my zipper is falling for you.

I nearly throw my phone into the fountain but instead, delete the app. Finally safe in my car, I look out at the people around me. I see couples smiling on benches together, having conversations with their arms draped around each other, exchanging little kisses. I envy what they have. Then a group of girls passes my car with interlocked elbows and giggling. I need to hang with my gals. I wonder if anyone is up to anything. Bzzz bzz Well, isn’t that a terrifying coincidence?

Aimee

Hi girlie, u up for bar hopping in North Park tonight?

I know you usually tell us no but i figured I’d ask, anyway.

Annika

I’m in, what time?

Aimee

Omg yay!! Meet us at Grange at 9 pm.

SIXTEEN

ANNIKA

Grange is your run-of-the-mill hipster bar. Dark wood bar-top and metal stools. Pictures of black and white photos of farm animals cover the walls. I spot Aimee and a few of her other friends at a bar top when I walk in. They are already all sipping pink, bubbly drinks, and casually talking. Grange is the go-to place to start bar hopping because it’s on the quieter side, and the drinks are cheaper than other bars. So we usually get a few drinks here and then pop around to other places. I head to the bar and quickly flash my fake ID. Matching pink, bubbly drink in hand, I head over to the table, ready to forget everything that happened this afternoon.

After two drinks, I realize why Chloe and I always say no to Aimee’s invites to bar hopping. Her roommate and best friend Carly is such a brag. Even though we shared a dorm with them during Freshman year, I’ve never seemed to warm up to her. She can’t stop talking about herself. Every time someone talks about a concert or place they went to, Carly is first to jump in with, “Oh, I’ve been there too!” I find myself rolling my eyes at the sixth long-winded story she tells and nearly planting a kiss on Aimee when she interrupts, suggesting we move on to the next bar.

Carly suggests we hit up Zano next—a dance club. Of course she does. We get in successfully with our fakes and grab drinks at the bar. I don’t even know what Aimee ordered me, but it’s electric blue and tastes like four different liquors mixed with pineapple juice. The music is loud techno music that vibrates my brain with each bass drop.

Carly yells to the group, “Let’s dance, bitches!”