Page 26 of Already Falling

She takes a deep breath and finally says, “What do you sing in your car?”

I lie next to her on the blanket and meet her joyous expression face-on. “Whatever is stuck in my head, which is usually nineties and early aught’s rock.”

“Like Nirvana? You had a Nirvana T-shirt on the other day.”

“Yeah, sometimes I’ll belt a little Cobain.”

“What did you sing on the way here?”

I love that she is wondering about this. “In Too Deep by Sum 41.”

“It sounds familiar, but I’m not sure if I know that one. Sing some for me.”

“I’m sure you’ll recognize it once you hear it. But I’ll only sing it if you dance with me.” I stand up and reach down for her hand.

“Looking to redeem your square dancing days?” she asks, reluctantly eyeing my hand before reaching up to grab it.

“You could say that.” I pull her up and spin her around while we spin around the beach, dancing hand in hand. I look down at her and start singing the start of the song.

I twirl her around in a big circle as I sing the bridge, and she starts laughing. “Cool it with the twirls, Parker. I just had lunch.”

“Do you recognize it yet?”

“No, not yet. Keep singing. This is kind of fun.”

I smile and keep singing as I dip my hand to her low back and sway her gently. I’m addicted the euphoria I feel around her.

“Okay, now the chorus, ready?”

“Ready for what?” As I launch into the chorus, I take her arm and draw her out and twirl her back into my arms, dipping her.

As I bring her back up, I meet her face against mine and press my forehead to hers, singing the last line of the chorus again.

She doesn’t move her head from mine. “You are a better dancer, but a terrible singer,” she says as that signature smirk shows up.

I lean down as she angles her head up toward mine. My nose grazes over hers, and I move it back and forth. We are still holding hands and swaying together to the sound of the waves. I breathe her in and close my eyes, getting lost in the smell of the warm florals. I lean closer with my eyes still closed, feeling the warmth of our lips just hovering over each other.

I wish I could bottle up this exact moment. Seal up the feeling of warmth and new beginnings. I want to always remember the ambient beach sounds and the remnants of her laughter. The smell of her perfume and the touch of her hands against mine. I lean further and press my lips against hers. Soft and smooth. She tastes like strawberries. I think for a moment if I should leave it at a peck until she leans forward more and matches my kiss. I put my hand on the back of her neck and kissed her more deeply, bending her backward slightly.

When we separate, my eyes linger closed a bit longer, and I feel her give me a small peck again on the lips. I open my eyes, smiling at her and giving her another twirl in the sand. Scratch that. This is the moment I want to bottle up and save forever.

ELEVEN

ANNIKA

It’s been three days since my beach date with Reid, and I am a complete and utter mess.

Every time I think about our date, a swarm of butterflies attacks my stomach, and it makes me sick. I can’t stop thinking about him and how he danced with me in the sand while singing a pop-punk song. Does he think he is some kind of Disney Prince? My brain is in peril. I cannot help but ruminate on each moment, and then I tell myself I’m overthinking things. It’s been one date. The coffee hang doesn’t count.

Although I can’t help but recognize that since I was nine years old, I’ve wanted to date Reid. And now it’s happened. I made my boy crush dreams come true. However, on the other hand, I wanted to be a single-pringle through college and to, as Chloe puts it, casually date. I mimic her arms as I lie in bed, going through an existential crisis. All right, maybe I’m being a little dramatic.

Every time I look over at my stack of textbooks, the loose papers shoved into folders, and the sticky notes littering my desk, I’m hit with a wave of guilt. Do I even have time to date someone? I should probably focus on myself, at least until the workload lets up. We’re almost six months into the school year, and yet, I’m overwhelmed with school and now a boy. I’m in too deep, as Sum 41 ever so poetically put it.

I lie on my dorm room bed and look out the window. In times of deep contemplation usually, I’d take a drive to the beach and step in the water, staring off into the distance while the sound of the waves crashing on the sand is the only thing to calm my thoughts. That and shopping. If Chloe wasn’t in class right now, I’d drag her out to lunch or thrift shopping. I need a distraction from my own brain. I decide to go with the first one and drive to a beach closer to our dorm. It’s about a five-minute drive and on the smaller side, so there usually aren’t that many people there. In the car, I refrain from playing the song again and instead, turn off the music entirely. This must be what Reid feels like when driving. Silence. Alone with your thoughts. Terrified, I turn the music quickly back on.

As I hoped, the beach is nearly empty. Only a couple of people are sitting in the sand. I set my bag down on a spot a few yards from the water and roll up the bottoms of my pants. It is later in the day, so the tide is farther out. I can walk out a bit just as the waves touch my toes gently. It’s as if the ocean knows to be chill with me today. I stand about ankle-deep and look at the horizon. A few swimmers pass in the distance.

The sun is about an hour from setting, and the sky is starting to turn shades of cotton candy. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and think of everything all at once. All my thoughts come tumbling around, and instead of holding them in, I let them all pour out. Is my major the right one for me? It isn’t too late to change it. Should I just drop out of college entirely? I wonder what my mom is up to right now. I should give her a call. Where will Chloe and I live after this year is over? Should I go home for summer break?