Page 160 of Ghost Ribbon

His thumb traced the line of my index finger.

“I found a garden and then you appeared. You were so cute. I thought you were part of the garden.”

I blinked. “Part of the garden?”

“Some forgotten thing left there by mistake. A piece of decoration that had somehow come alive. You were small and you had these…” He reached up with one hand, touching my hair, touching the place where my curls fell across my forehead. “These dark curls. And your eyes. They were so bright.”

His hand settled back on mine. “We started talking, or rather, you started talking. You talked a lot. You told me about your hope star. the one your grandmother told you about.”

I closed my eyes.

The feeling was stronger now.

Not a memory exactly. Not something I could see or hear or hold. Just…a feeling.

Cold stone under my legs.

Stars above me.

A voice speaking back to me.

“You gave me your ribbon, your brave thing. You called it that. You said you held it when you were scared. And you gave it to me because you said I looked like I needed it.”

“I remember one night I ran from the hospital,” I started speaking. “I don’t remember where I went. I don’t remember how I got there. I just remember being somewhere outside, and then I got really sick after my mom found me.”

His fingers stopped moving on my palm.

“Everything is hazy, everything from that time. Everything from a lot of times. My memory isn’t…” I searched for the word. “Reliable. The doctors said it was because of the oxygen deprivation. When my heart struggled, my brain struggled. Things got… misplaced.”

I turned my head just enough to look at him over my shoulder. “But I did dream of a boy with green eyes a lot while growing up, and I’m guessing that’s you.” I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Sorry?” he repeated. “For what?”

“For not recognizing you, for not remembering. For having you in my dreams and not knowing it was you. For letting you carry that night alone for years while I forgot.”

His arms tightened around me. “Don’t apologize. You didn’t forget… you just… put me somewhere you couldn’t find. And that’s okay. Because I kept you.”

I turned my head.

Fully now. Twisting slightly in the water until I was looking at him directly. Face to face. “I promise you, my mind never really forgot you. You were always in my dreams. I just didn’t know your name. I didn’t know your face. I didn’t know that the boy under the tree was real. But you were there. Every time I closed my eyes. Every time the dark came. You were there. You always have been.”

He looked at me for a long moment and I was afraid I said something wrong, but then he kissed me.

It wasn’t with the desperation that had characterized so many of our kisses before. This was different. This was so soft, so full of longing.

It wasn’t even a bit sexual. We kept kissing and I don’t know for how long, but I forgot where my body started and his ended.

***

Over the course of the next few days, I was getting worse.

I knew it was coming, but I just didn’t think it would be this bad.

It hurt.

I was used to the pain, but this was different.

I was dragged out of sleep with a gasp because I felt my chest was being crushed and I could not breathe.