Page 103 of Ghost Ribbon

“Alexei, I can’t just… I can’t accept that much. It doesn’t feel right.”

“Why?”

“Because what does it make me? If I take it?”

His hand came up to cover mine where it rested against his chest. His fingers were warm.

“It makes you someone who is taking care of his mother. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

“But—”

“No.” He pressed my hand lightly against his heartbeat. “Listen to me, Marco. I don’t give things I can’t afford to lose and I don’t make gestures without purpose.”

“That doesn’t make it easier,” I whispered.

“It should.”

“It doesn’t.” I laughed, but the sound was broken. “It makes it harder, actually. Because now I owe you even more.”

He made a frustrated sound and shifted beneath me, turning slightly so we were face to face, his arm still wrapped around my back.

“You owe me nothing,” he said. “This isn’t a transaction. This isn’t whatever you think it is. I gave you the money because I wanted to. Because I can. Because the alternative of watching you struggle is unacceptable to me.”

“I don’t know what to do with you,” I whispered.

His mouth curved slightly. “That makes two of us.”

I laughed and let him pull me back down against his chest. “Thank you,” I said, so quietly I wasn’t sure he would hear me.

But he did.

I fell asleep again.

Or maybe I never truly woke up, just drifted in that strange space between dreams and consciousness. Alexei’s arm was still around me, his chest rising and falling under my cheek.

I should have stayed asleep.

But my chest started to hurt.

That familiar pressure that built behind my ribs like someone was tightening a band around my lungs. I knew this feeling. I had known it for years, had learned to read its subtle gradations.

I waited, breathing carefully, hoping it would pass.

It didn’t.

It grew.

A tightness that made each inhale feel slightly incomplete. I shifted minutely, trying to find a position that eased it, but Alexei’s arm was too heavy across my back and moving felt impossible without waking him.

One hour later, I couldn’t pretend anymore.

I woke fully, abruptly, my heart doing that strange fluttering thing it sometimes did - too fast, too light, like a bird trapped behind my sternum trying to escape.

I lay still for a moment, concentrating on my breathing.

In.

Out.