Page 93 of Love and Lies

“Jess, wait,” I gasped, part of me feeling like I was crazy for actually holding him back. But I couldn’t take it any longer, I wanted to feel him—not just against me, on me, but inside me. I’d never wanted anyone as much as I wanted him—his body, his soul, all of him. I wanted to be as close as possible to this man who captivated me so completely.

Jess seemed to understand. He gave me a knowing smile, pressing his lips to the core of me one last time, and straightened up. He pulled off his boxers, reached for a wooden box on his nightstand, and took out a condom. It only took a few seconds for him to put it on, but it was still too long. I almost died of anticipation before he was bracing himself above me, and then—finally—he was inside me.

My hips rose to meet him as I took him fully, biting my lip—it was so much better than I’d imagined. Jess paused for a moment, kissing me deeply, my breath hitching in my throat. And then he began to move, slow and controlled at first, pulling back and then pushing deep again, and I arched into him, savoring every single sensation.

And then we switched, and I was on top, enjoying the view for a moment—and the power. Jess grabbed my hips, letting me set the pace. But before long I was ready for him to take control again, and I sank back onto the bed and pulled him on top of me. He pressed his head to mine and held me tight, looking into my eyes, his gaze so intense I could hardly stand it.

“Do you need a break?” I teased breathlessly.

Jess laughed softly, but his eyes were full of the hunger I felt, and he gave me his answer without saying a word. My legs wrapped around him, I moaned his name—wanting more of him, wanting everything, longing for release and at the same time wanting it never to end. But that ship had sailed.

We were hurtling toward the brink now, as inexorably as if racing off a cliff face. Jess was moving harder, faster; my breath was hot against his skin, my fingers clawing his back; I couldn’t get close enough. He buried his fist in my hair, kissed me, and then his hand was between my legs again, making circles with his fingers that almost drove me out of my mind, until finally I couldn’t take it anymore, and I didn’t want to.

Every part of me tensed around him as the first wave crashed, and then I was coming, harder than ever before in my life. And then Jess sank into me one last time and followed me over the edge, holding me tight, as a quaking shudder took hold of him and spilled over into me. Our names merged into one as we gasped each other’s, soaring, while the world dissolved around us. And then there was nothing left but the overwhelming perfection of that moment, the two of us fused together in total surrender. I was undone, splintered into atoms, and I didn’t care if I was ever put back together again.

I didn’t care about anything, as long as Jess never let me go.

43 Jessiah

“Now I know what you meant when you said you’re more of a middle-of-the-night type.” I laughed softy into Helena’s shoulder, and when she laughed back, I thought it was the best sound I’ve ever heard. Okay, maybe the second best, after the ones she’d made just now.

“In my defense—I hadn’t planned on this when I said that.” She grinned.

“No complaints here.” I leaned over and kissed her on the mouth. “The total opposite, in fact. You can wake me up like that every night if you want.”

She put her arm around my neck, and I felt her naked body next to mine. “Every night?” she asked, and it sounded so enticing that something began to stir inside me again. “Don’t challenge me, Jessiah.”

I pulled a face when she said my full name, but I felt so good right now my happy grin was back right away. “No? But that was my plan all along.”

Helena ran a hand through her hair, and her expression grew serious. But she didn’t say a word, just kissed me, so softly and lovingly that it sent a cozy, warm feeling through me that had nothing to do with what we’d just been up to.

She pulled away, and I took a deep breath to try to stem the tide of thoughts closing in. What would happen now? Did we really have any chance, despite our families? The only thing I wanted to think about was this incredible woman in my arms. A few months ago I thought she represented everything I didn’t want. How utterly wrong I had been.

“What is it?” she asked gently.

I smiled, touching my nose gently to hers. “I’m happy,” was my honest answer, because she deserved that. It made her sheepish, I could tell, but she didn’t look away.

“I am, too.” She kissed me again, then she traced her finger along my side, over the tattooed lettering that ran from my ribs around to my back. Eventually, she sat up a little to read the words. “Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake—it’s everything except what it is. That’s Shakespeare, right?”

“You see, that private education was worth it,” I teased.

Helena scoffed and punched me lightly on the arm. “You went to private school, too.”

“As little as possible, I would like it noted.” I grinned. “But yes, it is Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet, Act One.”

“Why did you get it tattooed?” Helena ran a finger over the lines again, and it gave me a slight shiver. But it wasn’t unpleasant—just the opposite. As though anything she did to me could ever be unpleasant.

I fell onto my back and gazed up at the ceiling. “It was my father’s favorite quote. He always said that that verse contained everything you need to know about love. I never really understood what he meant by it, and back then I was too young to ask.” I took a deep breath. “It was only after he died, and then Adam, too… then I realized Dad was right. That love can be everything we want it to be. But we can’t always decide for ourselves what it is to us.”

Helena looked at me seriously. “What is it to you?”

I caressed her cheek, thinking. “All of the above, I think. Light, heavy, bright, dark, cold… hot.” I raised an eyebrow and gave her a look, grinning suggestively. We’d talked enough about the past over the last few hours—and our losses. I wanted things to be lighthearted between us, at least for tonight, until reality came knocking again.

Helena grinned, her fingers wandered delicately over my torso. “I second that.”

We both laughed, and I buried my face in her hair, breathing her scent in deep, and welcoming the tingling in my stomach that spread throughout my whole body. For a while we were silent, content to be together and close to each other. But before long, visions of the last hour started to come back to me, and I felt that irresistible heat rising again. Being with Helena had felt so unbelievably connected, so insanely real. Of course, she was beautiful, and we were clearly on the same wavelength when it came to what we liked. But this was really about how I felt about her. Sex was mind-blowingly good when you were in love with someone. So good that I didn’t even want to go to sleep until we’d done it all over again.

Helena raised her head, and her lips brushed my cheek. “How tired are you?” she asked, radiating a heat that made me think we were having the same idea. Then she straightened up, fixing me with a hungry gaze, and I was certain.