Page 86 of Love and Lies

But then, suddenly, the handle turned, and the door opened.

“Helena,” said Jess simply, but from that one word I could tell that he was going through all the same emotions I was. The pain, the sorrow, the memories. And the regret. Most of all, the regret.

I wanted to say something to explain why I was there, but I couldn’t make a sound, and suddenly my throat closed up and I burst into tears. But Jess didn’t need any explanation from me, the girl who had appeared without warning on his doorstep, totally distraught. He simply opened his arms, and I fell into them as though he were the only safe place left in the world. And as he held me close, while I sobbed so hard that I couldn’t have supported my own weight even if I’d wanted to, I knew.

That’s exactly what he was.

39 Jessiah

The apartment seemed darker than usual as I stepped inside and threw my keys on the kitchen counter. Quieter, too. I took off my jacket without turning on the lights, sinking onto the sofa, unable to find the strength to do anything but stare into space. I’d thought about driving to the beach on the way home, but something stopped me. A feeling I couldn’t put my finger on. It was probably a good thing; in this state, I wouldn’t have lasted ten minutes in the surf—and my board was broken now, anyway.

I had no idea how much time had passed when I heard the knock at the door. Perplexed, I heaved myself off the sofa and cast a glance at the kitchen clock—it was just after ten. Was it Thaz stopping by, knowing I’d have had a shitty time at my mother’s? I didn’t think so—he wasn’t the bereavement-counselor type. So who was it at my door?

For a moment I thought about pretending not to be home—I could really do without a visit tonight from one of my neighbors complaining about the bar down the street and asking me to do something about the noise. But in the end, my sense of duty won out, and I went to answer—it might be important. But when I opened the door, it wasn’t a neighbor standing there.

“Helena.” I stared at her as if she weren’t real. She looked like a vision, in her blue dress fit for a princess and her perfectly chignoned hair. But the expression on her face was real enough, and it tore my heart in two. Just like the day we’d first met, when I knew we felt the same.

She opened her mouth as if to say something, but no words came out, and I saw how hard she was trying to keep it together. But she didn’t have to do that for me—I let her in, and took her in my arms, and as she pressed her body to mine and began to weep bitterly, I knew this was exactly what she needed today. No, not true: it was exactly what we both needed.

I let her cry and stopped fighting my own tears—and so there we were, in the middle of my apartment, holding each other tightly, letting it all out, finally giving free rein to all our feelings. I’d suspected Helena had been holding it all in the whole day, just like I had. And that I’d been completely wrong when I thought nobody understood how I felt. She knew. She knew better than anyone in the world.

It was some time before Helena’s tears abated and her sobs grew softer. We both took a deep breath at the same time and finally broke apart.

“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping her face, her voice thick. “I know I shouldn’t have come, but it was such a shitty day, and then I was suddenly in front of your building—”

“Stop,” I implored her, wiping my own eyes with my sleeve. “Don’t apologize. Please. I’m happy you’re here.”

“Really?” She looked at me uncertainly.

“Yes.” It was foolhardy, but it was the truth. It was hurting us both that we couldn’t be together, and I realized when I looked at her now that it didn’t alter the fact that we couldn’t stay away from each other. Against all odds, on a day like today, desperate and in despair, she had turned up at my place. A guy she didn’t know very well, who was totally off-limits to her. And who, despite all the heartache, was so pleased to see her that he couldn’t help but feel a spark of heat.

“How come you’re dressed up like a dark-haired Elsa?” I asked, brushing a strand of hair from her face and indicating her ballgown.

“How come you know Frozen?” came the prompt response.

I laughed out loud. “Eli loved that movie when he was little. I’ve seen it so many times, I could sing you a perfect rendition of ‘Let it Go’ from memory.”

Helena gave a little smile, looking down and smoothing her tulle skirt. “It was a ball, one of the most important events of the year. I didn’t want to go, but I knew it was important to my parents, so…”

“So you went anyway, as a favor to them,” I finished the sentence for her.

Helena nodded. “Yes. I didn’t think it would be so bad. But everyone there was shit-talking my family, and Valerie as well… it was too much. Too much after today, when I was the only one who wanted to commemorate her anniversary. I had to get out of there.” She pressed her lips together to stop herself crying again. “Maybe it’d be better if I went home,” she said, though it didn’t sound like she wanted to do the sensible thing.

“Maybe you should just stay here,” I replied without thinking too much about it. I didn’t care about the consequences right now; I just knew it would be good for us to spend some time together.

“Is that really okay?”

“It’s more than okay, Fair Helen.” I smiled softly. “Your turning up at my door is by far the best thing that’s happened to me all day. I had a terrible dinner at my mother’s and then an empty evening ahead. Well, except for a bottle of whiskey, maybe.”

She nodded, and despite the sadness in her eyes, I could see she was glad not to have to go back to the Park Avenue apartment, where I guessed that a dressing-down from her parents for leaving the ball early was all that awaited her.

“Do you have anything I could change into? Something a little less Disney?”

“Sure.” I grinned, a cozy, warm feeling wrapping itself around me—she’d decided to stay. “I just can’t promise it’ll fit.”

“It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s comfortable and doesn’t remind me of that stupid ball.”

I went to the closet and looked through the shelves of sports gear. Helena followed me and waited in the doorway, taking out her phone and tapping something out before she stowed it away again.