Page 81 of Love and Lies

“Darling, how lovely.” My mother saw me and smiled, but it seemed a little forced. “Paige and Eleanor came by to discuss a few things for the wedding.”

“Yes, I can see that.” I stared at my future sister-in-law, more incredulous than angry. Didn’t she know what day it was? Or didn’t she care? “Can you order tact in those catalogs, to match the invitations? If I were you, I’d get a bulk pack.”

Lincoln looked somewhat alarmed, as did my mother. But I wasn’t going to bend this time. I’d come to terms with the fact that I had to play the good daughter and do almost anything to protect this family. But I wasn’t going to let every single piece of bullshit pass without comment.

Paige shrugged somewhat uncertainly. “I didn’t know—”

“What didn’t you know?” I rounded on her. “That Valerie died three years ago today? That maybe it might not be the best day to come over and look at some piece of crap or other for your wedding?”

My mother stood up. “Helena, this is inappropriate. You—”

“No, it’s absolutely appropriate, actually,” I snapped. “I realize at this point that it makes no difference in this family whether you love the person you’re going to marry. But can we at least agree they should be able to show the bare minimum of human decency before they get a ring on their finger?”

Paige’s eyes filled with tears, and she looked desperately to my brother for help. But he just stared at me, and I saw how caught he was between two sides. Then he got up and asked me to come with him. As I followed him, I could hear my mother apologizing for my behavior and I was tempted to turn back and give her a piece of my mind as well.

“If you’re going to defend her, don’t bother,” I informed my brother furiously once we were out in the hall. “I can’t believe she turned up here today with her fucking catalogs.”

My brother shook his head. “It’s not Paige’s fault, Len. She asked me if it would be okay for her to come. I told her today was as good a day as any other.”

“Why would you say that?” I said hotly.

“Because…” He hesitated. “Because we’ve never really celebrated Valerie’s anniversary. We’ve actually always ignored it these last few years.”

I stared at him like I’d stared at Paige, bewildered and furious. “What?” I said quietly. I didn’t understand. She’d been our sister, our parents’ daughter, and they couldn’t even commemorate her on this one day? “Why not?”

“What would it achieve?” Lincoln shrugged. “Except to cause even more pain? Do we have to be reminded again, on top of everything, that we lost her?”

“So suppressing it is better?” I asked. “Just ignoring what happened? Or maybe you don’t even want to remember her, if she’s the reason the Westons now have to grovel to New York City society?”

“Don’t be unfair, Len.”

“I’m being unfair? Right. So Valerie’s death isn’t just a nuisance you guys have to deal with? After all, she was the black sheep who stepped out of line. Why should we even mourn her?” I took a shaky breath. “You must be extra pissed at her, because now you have to marry Try-Hard Barbie and we both know you don’t want to. Who knows, maybe when they present me with my future husband, I’ll stop missing Valerie too.”

Lincoln simply responded to my sarcastic remark with a shake of his head. “Look, I know you’re having a hard time with this thing with him, but—”

“This has nothing to do with him,” I parried, even if thinking about Jess made me ache, like always. “It has to do with this family, with Valerie.”

Just then our mother came over. “We can hear you in the dining room,” she said. “Lincoln, please go and calm Paige down; the poor girl is completely beside herself.”

Without argument, my brother did as he was told. I heard a sobbing Paige asking him if it was true he didn’t want to marry her. For my part, I braced myself for the dressing-down I was about to get. But my mother looked more disappointed than angry.

“Maybe you should go out and get some fresh air,” she said. “But be back by this afternoon, please—the dresses for the ball are being delivered.”

“What ball?” I asked.

“The annual fundraising ball for the Society for a Better New York City. It’s tonight.”

“I’m not going to any ball tonight, Mom, that’s for sure.” I said in a firm voice. “Any other day, I will gladly play the perfect daughter, but not today. If you don’t want to commemorate Valerie, that’s your decision, but I’m going to.”

My mother shot me a piercing look. “This ball is one of the most important events of the year. I don’t like that it happens to fall on Valerie’s anniversary either—on the other hand, it’s a chance for us to show people that we’re still who we were before. But only if we attend as a family. If you don’t show up, there’ll be talk.”

I don’t give a fuck about their damn talk, I thought, but didn’t say it out loud. The look on my mother’s face held me back—not strict as usual, but mostly concerned, perhaps even afraid. But before I could say anything else, she raised her palms in an apparent change of heart.

“Fine, it’s your decision. I’ll leave it up to you whether you want to come or not.” She gestured toward the dining room. “I’m going to smooth the waters.”

“Maybe I should…?” I couldn’t stand Paige, but I had treated her unfairly today, I knew.

“No need. I can handle it.” My mother looked tired. “If you do want to come tonight, be back here by three o’clock, please.” She turned away and took a few steps before pausing again. “We miss your sister just as much as you. We’ve just learned to conceal it.”