Page 32 of Love and Lies

I laughed and shook my head. “And I thought this conversation couldn’t get any more absurd.”

“You followed her at the Rainbow Room!” she blurted out, and I realized I wasn’t surprised that she knew. “Your brother lost his life because of a Weston, and you have nothing better to do than chase after her sister! What am I supposed to think?”

“I had no idea who she was at the Rainbow Room!” I huffed furiously. How many times did I have to explain myself? “I saw her that night and was worried about her. If I’d known she was one of them, I wouldn’t have done it.”

“But you did do it. Something made you do it. Tell me you’re not attracted to her, Jess, or—”

“Or what, Mother?” I asked harshly. “What are you going to threaten me with? What could you possibly take away from me if I don’t do what you want? Your respect? Your affection? Something else I never had in the first place? Tell me!”

Her expression changed, and I saw that she was genuinely worried. Was she actually afraid of losing me as well? I couldn’t imagine it.

“It was Samara I was with last night, not Helena,” I said, calmer now. “That should ease your concerns, no?”

She gave a huff, and it sounded almost sad. “Absolutely not. Do you think your brother and Valerie were all over each other immediately? They took things slowly at first because they were serious about each other. I can remember the exact moment Adam first told me about her. About how he liked her so much he couldn’t fight it, on a much deeper level than just… you know.” She spoke softly, staring into her mug. I’d rarely seen her like this since Adam’s death. “He had a fire in his eyes, like Valerie was the answer to all his questions, like she was his safe haven. At first I thought how enviable it was, to have feelings like that for someone. Until I realized his feelings weren’t a blessing but a curse. One that killed him.”

We were silent, united briefly by our grief for Adam. But I wasn’t angry at Valerie now; I was just sad. I hadn’t taken Adam’s feelings seriously. I thought of Helena’s words. Valerie was the first person who was there for him, not the other way around. Maybe there was something in that.

“He lost himself in that relationship. And in the end he lost his life.” My mother looked up. “I couldn’t stand it if the same thing happened to you. Relations between Coldwells and Westons have always been doomed. I knew it, and still I didn’t put a stop to it. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

I hesitated for a moment, then decided to put her mind at rest. I told her what she wanted to hear. “I’m not attracted to Helena,” I said. “In any way.”

Relief spread across her face. “Good. That’s good.” Then she reached over and touched my cheek fleetingly before she got up, suddenly her old self again. “I have to get going—I have a meeting at the office in twenty minutes. Thank you for the coffee.”

I nodded. “You’re welcome.”

“So I’ll see you Friday, then, when you pick up Eli.” She headed for the door, and I had a sudden thought.

“Did you know Adam wanted me to be his best man at the wedding?” I asked as she was almost out the door.

Trish paused. “No,” she said. “But I’m not surprised. You and Adam, you may have been very different, but you were one of the most important people in his life. It makes sense that he would have chosen you.”

With that she left, leaving me alone with my thoughts. And with what I’d said to reassure my mother. I’m not attracted to Helena. In any way.

I’d lied to her so often in the past, and usually for more spurious reasons than this. But I still didn’t regret saying it. When it came to the Westons, my mother was unpredictable, so it was better she thought all was well. And despite the lie, all was well—after all, there was nothing between Helena and me.

And there never would be.

14 Helena

“Can I get you some more coffee?”

I looked up into the server’s smiling face. She’d asked me five times in the last three hours—that was how long I’d been sitting in the window of the café, glancing at my laptop now and again while keeping an eye on the building opposite. It was Jessiah Coldwell’s building, which I’d discovered without much difficulty. The whole city seemed to know that he’d moved into his brother’s old apartment after he came back—I didn’t even need Malia to tap into the NYPD database to tell me that. I’d been to the loft two or three times with Valerie when Adam had lived there, so I didn’t have any trouble finding the street. That, however, was the easy part.

It was late afternoon, and after spending the morning in class, I’d taken up position here. Okay, I’d checked for Jessiah’s name on the door first to make sure he did actually live there—and pressed the button to make sure he was in. When the buzzer sounded, I made myself scarce, retreating to the café to wait for inspiration as to how I was going to get inside the apartment and look for the notebook without Jessiah knowing. So far without success. I could pick a lock, thanks to the lessons I’d had in England, but I knew the apartment had a sophisticated security system—the alarm had gone off for no reason once during a party, Adam rolling his eyes at his mother’s insistence on installing it. No, I could forget that. My plan would only work if Jessiah was at home. But his inviting me in to let me look through Adam’s stuff was only going to happen in a parallel universe.

“Another?” the server asked again, taking my empty mug from the table.

“I think I should probably switch to tea,” I replied finally. I was already so nervous, and all the caffeine I’d drunk over the last few hours wasn’t helping me relax. “Something calming, if you’ve got it.”

“No problem.” She gave a grin, gesturing to my laptop, where I had an essay from Cambridge open as part of my cover. “Midterms are a killer, aren’t they?”

“Oh yeah,” I laughed, semi-convincingly. “Totally. Hence my working here today, I was getting cabin fever and had to get out of my apartment.”

“I hear you. Okay, let me go see if I have something to calm the nerves.”

“Thanks.” I flashed her a smile, and she left.

I fixed my gaze again on the door of the building across the street, watching for Jessiah. I couldn’t sit here forever. My parents were hosting a dinner for Paige’s family tonight and were expecting me home at seven o’clock sharp. I had two hours, tops, to get this thing done, and I still had no idea how to go about it. Should I just come back tomorrow? The thought was tempting, but I had no time to lose. I wasn’t getting anywhere without that notebook.