Page 16 of Stopping Short

“Then why don’t you help me understand because I feel like I'm drowning right now!”

Why would he feel like he’s drowning? I don’t even know where to start dissecting his comment to figure it out.

“I'm ready,” Jackson says as he steps out of the bathroom. He’s wearing a pair of athletic shorts and a sleeveless shirt. The arm holes are stretched out, giving me a clear view of the sides of his torso. Black ink swirls across his chest creating intricate designs. Tattoos I don’t remember him having.

“Ok. I’ll drive.”

He follows me silently out to the car. The entire drive is made without a single word spoken. I'm about to burst. This isn’t how we are. We’re raw with each other. Real. We don’t hide things. I don’t know how to handle this.

But I don’t want to start a conversation like this until I can give him my full attention.

As we climb out of my car, I hand Jackson a water bottle and start down the trail I want to take today. It’s a five-mile loop. I'm hoping it’s long enough to get everything out in the open… if this ends badly, this will be the longest five-miles of my life.

“How long is this one?”

“Five-miles. Is that ok?”

“Dang, Boots. You’re really testing my cardio, huh?” He flashes me the smallest grin. He’s trying, but I can tell he’s struggling and that’s killing me.

“Oh, c’mon, you’re the tough baseball player. I'm sure you can handle walking up a hill.” I roll my eyes and keep going.

We’re quiet for a few moments while I try to muster the guts to broach the elephant following us around.

“You misunderstood a lot last night. It wasn’t your fault, but I want to explain it all to you,” I say softly, unsure of actually how to have this conversation.

“Ok…” He says when I don’t continue.

I step off the normal trail and take us over to a large boulder. I climb up to the top and sit down, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them.

Jackson sits down next to me a moment later and waits patiently. He has his legs spread out in front of him, his ankles crossed, and he’s leaning back on his hands.

“Evan and I kind of aren’t engaged.” I wince at how ridiculous I sound. This is so twisted and messed up. I never should’ve gone along with Jennifer’s idea.

“What does that even mean?” His words aren’t mean, but I can hear the utter confusion in his tone.

“Evan threw me a surprise birthday party last week. He had his entire family come. Jennifer and I realized he was going to propose and I freaked out. I'm not in love with him. I’ve never uttered those three little words to him, or anyone else.”

“Me either,” he admits softly.

“His dad called me the wrong name and told me to call him dad before Evan even proposed. It was so awkward. His mom hates me and yet she was fawning all over me like we’re best friends.” I shake my head, reliving every second of that night. It might be the worst night of my life.

“Are you for real?”

“Oh, it gets worse.” I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. “When Evan proposed, he called me Harper Stone… I’ve never gone by Stone. I went by Brennan until Maddox married my mom. I don’t even know how he knew that name, let alone why he’d call me that.”

“And yet you still said yes?” He arches a brow, surprise coloring his face.

“Well, I kept going back and forth on what to do. Jennifer had convinced me to just say yes and break up with him later. I felt terrible doing that, but when he called me the wrong name, my mind instantly went to my biological dad and I kind of broke. I couldn’t think straight. He asked me if I was ok and I nodded. Everyone thought I was saying yes to his proposal and soon everyone was congratulating me. I never gave him an answer. Not really. But I went along with it because I couldn’t think straight. Too much was happening and I felt like I was struggling to breathe.”

“Why didn’t you tell me ahead of time?”

“I don’t know! I think I was just so embarrassed! I thought I could make it through this without anyone knowing what happened. I figured if I dumped Evan before I left college and Pittsburgh, I could leave all of it behind me.” I bury my face in my knees.

“How’d that work out for you?” There’s a smile in his voice and it makes me grin.

Jackson’s always had the ability to make me smile no matter what’s going on in my life.

“Not great,” I groan, rolling my head to the side so I can look at him. “I'm sorry, Jackson. I never meant for you to find out because there was nothing for you to find out. It was all a lie.”