Page 22 of Learning to Trust

"Andrew was so angry, Leon. He'll never forgive me for not trusting him enough to give him control, but I don't know how to trust after Tristan."

“What did you do that you think was so bad?”

"I came three times without his permission. He punished me with a paddle and then fucked me as I have never been fucked before. He's amazing, and I failed him."

“Did he take care of you once you were done?”

"Andrew held me in the bath, and I dozed off. It felt so good. After he dried me off and put lotion on my ass, he told me to go to bed and sleep for a while. But I knew he was angry and was afraid he'd walk out and leave me there, so I told him to bring me home. We didn't speak during the drive."

Recalling the glare in Andrew's eyes and the angry tone of his voice, I burst into tears. I really liked the man, even though I barely knew him, and I'd let him down.

Leon pulled me onto his lap, I felt small in the arms of such a big man, and he held me close while I blubbered like a baby. When I calmed and lifted my head, he brushed the tears away. I'd never experienced such kindness.

"Babe, your emotions are all over the place because you're coming down off a high. Your Dom should be holding you and talking you through these confusing feelings, but you pushed him away."

“He was angry—”

Leon shook his head. "I've known Andrew for years, and as far as I know, he's never once shown anger toward a friend, and he certainly wouldn't with a Sub. He's the most even-tempered man I know. Doms are stern, and their voices get gruff when they are in Dom mode. They like and demand control. But you know what?"

“What?”

“It’s us who have the control.”

“How?”

"A good Dom wants to free their Sub of stress, anxiety, and worry. We allow them to take control of our decisions because it's what we need to escape the real world for a while. Some couples have a full-time arrangement, and their Subs hand over the decision-making for all aspects of their lives because it's what they need—what makes them happy. Others are like us and give over control in only their sex lives. Nothing pleases a Dom more than knowing they play a part in enhancing their Sub's life and are responsible for a large part of their happiness. Andrew is devastated that he failed you."

I shook my head. "Andrew didn't fail me; I failed him by not trusting."

"Babe, it was your first time. You were never going to be capable of obeying Andrew's commands. He knew that, and that's why your punishment was so light. Andrew was trying to find your limits, so he knew how and when to push. Trust me when I say if you give him a chance, your control will strengthen after a few months under his guidance, and Andrew will be harsher with punishment when you disobey. He'll push you beyond your limits, and you'll allow him to do so because, as much as you'll dislike floggings, being paddled, wearing a butt plug, cock ring, or being caged, when he allows you to orgasm, it will blow your mind. If you're fortunate enough, you might even go into subspace."

"I can believe that after the orgasms I had, especially the last one. Fuck, I've never come three times, and I thought my head would blow off the last time I came after I was paddled."

"Andrew is the best Dom I know. He treats his Subs like they are precious gemstones and there is no one better to introduce you to the lifestyle. I wish he was interested in relationships and me because the man has set the bar so fucking high that I'll never be able to find someone to share the future."

“Have you—you know?”

"Been with Andrew?"

I nodded.

"Once, eleven years ago, when he first brought me into the club. We didn't fuck, and I was upset when he sat me down and explained why we weren't a good match. I accepted what I saw as his rejection because I couldn't risk losing his friendship. As time passed, I realized he was right. Don't mistake Dom firmness for anger, babe. Think of it as him playing a part."

“Have I fucked everything? Do you think he’ll give me another chance?”

Leon kissed my cheek and hugged me close. "I know he will. How about we go and find him so you two can talk? You and I are going to be good friends, and I'm going to love having backup against those three Doms next door."

I laughed as Leon set me on my feet before wincing again at the pain from my ass. Leon chuckled as he followed me from the room—me with a lopsided gait.

"Stings, huh? You'll feel it for a few days, and trust me, just thinking about what happened will have your cock getting rock hard at the most inconvenient times. A word of advice; if you're told not to touch yourself, don't. I swear to fuck they have x-ray vision or something because they always seem to find out."

Andrew said he was going to put me in a ring, cock cage, and butt plug for three days as punishment for being disobedient. Can I tell you a secret?"

We came to a stop in the kitchen, where I swiped up the keys to the house.

Leon rubbed his hands together and bounced on his toes. “Ooh, secrets. I love secrets.”

"I was disappointed when we got home, and things were fucked. Just thinking about Andrew not letting me jerk off turns me on like you wouldn't believe."