Page 26 of Ruby’s Outback Love

Linda reached over and squeezed my hand.

“I still think you should hear him out. It’s obvious he loves you very much.”

“Let it go, Linda. The best I can do is to ignore him.”

Linda shrugged and while we finished our breakfast, we talked about the FDS and the new clinic. The topic of Phil was now off limits. Taboo.

CHAPTER TEN

Bourke NSW

RUBY

Kicking at loose stones which dared to cross my path, I headed towards the river. At the large deck, where one could stand and peer over the Darling River, for as far as the eye could see, I moved off to one side and descended the wooden steps leading to the bank below.

The area continued to be in the grip of a severe dry spell and there were no more than a few trickles weaving their way over the sandy bottom in a spider web pattern. Graziers had been doing it tough, having to sell off stock, truck in water and accept offers of feed from complete strangers. Still they struggled and everyone prayed for rain. Even non-believers tilted their heads skywards and begged Mother Nature to show some mercy and break the crippling drought.

Barry had been consulting many a man and woman caught in the depths of depression, unable to see a way free from their debilitating situations. There had been four suicides in the past month alone – all men. Men who had fallen through the cracks of the support systems. Men who were old-fashioned in their thinking – believing they had to be strong. Admitting weakness was unacceptable to men in this group. It was a sad and stressful time for the entire township.

I lowered to the ground, drew my knees up and wrapped my arms around my calves. Falling deep into thought, I barely noticed birds as they flitted back and forth, searching for tasty morsels in the sparse water below.

Linda’s words about Phil not having married played on a loop in my mind and the same questions I’d asked Linda kept relentlessly popping back into my head.

Why hadn’t Phil gone ahead and married Francine even though she’d lost their child, was it true they hadn’t loved each other? Had he ended their union, or had she? Why hadn’t he called to tell me?

You know the answer to that question, you told him to get fucked and said you never wanted to hear from him again.

It hurt to realise I was a convenient fuck, nothing more. Maybe Phil and Francine had fought and he’d come back to Bourke looking to scratch an itch. I happened to be available, I’m sure he knew how I felt about him and I was easy prey. I fell into his honeyed trap and succumbed to the silky words – lies about loving me, which dripped from his lips.

I pulled my knees closer to my chest and dropped my head down. Tears welled in my eyes. Why hadn’t I been able to move past the hurt? After everything, why did I still love Phil with every fibre of my being?

***

PHIL

Linda was on the footpath in front of the police station when I stepped from the car and pushed a button on the remote to lock the doors. The loud beep hung in the air between us as I approached the smiling woman who stood waiting.

“Drew at the hospital?”

“Yes, he had a couple of things he needed to take care of, so I caught up with Ruby at the bakery for breakfast.”

“How is Ruby? I catch sight of her now and again and she doesn’t look well. It’s obvious she’s lost quite a bit of weight.”

Linda ran her fingertips across her lips. “I have to be honest; I’m worried about her too. She’s stressed and at times doesn’t seem to be thinking clearly. She’s only been this way since…..”

“Since I came back.” I finished for her. “It’s my fault.” I spoke quietly; it was a statement, not a question.

Linda placed a hand on my arm. “I can see how stressed you are too, Phil. Sooner or later you’re both going to have to deal with what happened in your past like I told Ruby. You’ll never find peace until you do.”

“She told you?”

“Drew talked to me about what you’d told him and Ruby filled in the gaps. You broke her heart, Phil. What you did was bad enough but finding out from one of your colleagues at the police station that you and Francine were getting engaged and expecting a baby, devastated her.”

“Whoa, whoa whoa.” I held up my hand. “It wasn’t her mother who told her?”

Linda shook her head. “No one here knew, Phil. Ruby said you, Francine and your families severed your ties with everyone in town.”

“Fuck! So, she found out from a fucking stranger because I didn’t have the balls to return her texts and calls and tell her myself. I was worried about hurting her. What a fucking joke I am!” Tears burned at the back of my eyes. “Do you know where she is?”