Page 68 of Take Me Away

‘Jess was my wife.’

‘I know who she was,’ he snaps. ‘She was also my sister-in-law. And she’d be the first to call you out for the way you’re acting right now.’

‘Don’t,’ I warn, finger pointed. ‘Don’t use her against me.’

Jude doesn’t flinch.

‘Jess asked me to look out for you. She knew you’d bury yourself in duty. In the boat. In Maisie. And it worked – until now.’

He lets the words settle, lets me hear them over the patter of rain and the far-off creak of dock ropes tightening.

‘She’s just a girl from our past,’ I say finally. ‘She doesn’t change anything.’

‘She’s not just anything to you,’ Jude shoots back. ‘Don’t insult both of us by pretending otherwise.’

I drag a hand through my wet hair, every muscle taut.

‘She’s in my head.’

‘Yeah. No shit.’

‘And now I can’t think straight.’

Jude exhales slowly. ‘Good. That’s the first honest thing you’ve said all night.’

I drop my eyes, rain dripping from my chin. ‘I can’t deal if someone else leaves me.’

The pity in my brother’s gaze makes me feel about an inch tall. He reaches for my shoulder. ‘Kit. Jess didn’t leave because she wanted to. If she was still alive and Isla came back, this would all be so different. I reckon her and Isla would even be friends.’ He gives me a small smile. ‘But Jess isn’t here anymore. I wish she was, for you, for Maisie, even for me, because I’m a selfish bastard like that. But I think Isla needs you. And maybe, maybe you need her.’ His hand drops.

There’s a beat of silence. The storm thunders somewhere distant.

‘Let someone throw you a fucking rope for once,’ Jude says. ‘Instead of always trying to go down with the ship.’

The words hit harder than the rain. I turn away, staring out at the harbour where the sea still churns, angry but settling. Like the storm inside me.

‘It’s not that simple,’ I say finally.

‘It never is.’ Jude moves to stand beside me, both of us facing the water. ‘Something happened between you and her. That’s what’s got you tied in knots.’

I don’t answer. Don’t need to.

‘Thought so.’ He sighs. ‘Knew it was just a matter of time.’

‘It was a mistake.’

‘Was it? Or are you just scared?’

‘I’m not scared,’ I snap, too fast, too defensive. ‘Her boyfriend rang. I think that puts things into perspective.’

Jude laughs, short and sharp. ‘Right. Because perspective is definitely the first word that comes to mind when I think about you.’

I clench my jaw. ‘I cheated on my wife. It might have just been a kiss, but I still cheated.’

Jude stares at me blankly for a moment.

‘Kit, that is not what you are doing at all. Jess is gone.’

I rake a hand through my wet hair. ‘That’s what it feels like. And it burns.’