Page 131 of Take Me Away

‘Maisie’s going to see them.’ The realisation hits like a fist to the gut. ‘She’s eight years old and she’s going to see me naked. Her friends at school are going to see me naked. They’re going to show her. They’re going to⁠—’

Oh God.

Oh God oh God oh God.

‘Kit’s going to see them.’ My voice breaks. ‘The whole village. Everyone who was at the pub tonight singing for Peter. Everyone who’s been kind to me, who’s accepted me back, who’s… Nina gave me a hug tonight, Piper. Dot gave me a jam strainer to make Maggie’s fucking jam. They’ve let me in and now they’re going to see me like that and think⁠—’

‘They’ll understand. Kit will understand. He knows what Marcus is, what he did to you⁠—’

‘Will he?’ I laugh, sharp and bitter. ‘Because I haven’t actually told him anything. I haven’t told anyone the truth. Not all of it. Not the worst of it. I’ve been too much of a fucking coward to tell anyone the truth. Not even you.’

The roaring in my ears is getting louder. My hands are shaking. The kitchen walls are pressing in.

I can’t breathe.

‘Isla, listen to me⁠—’

‘I have to go.’

‘Isla—’

‘I have to go, Piper. I need to – I need to think. I need to⁠—’

I hang up.

The phone buzzes immediately. Piper calling back.

I switch it off. Stand there in Kit’s dark kitchen, wearing his T-shirt, feet bare on his cold floor, and try to remember how to breathe.

In. Out. In. Out.

But all I can see are those photos. My body. My face. Smiling like I meant it. Like I wanted it. Like I didn’t die inside with every click of the camera.

And Maisie. Eight years old with her French plaits and her starfish drawings and her absolute trust that I would stay.

Maisie’s going to see those photos.

The village is going to see those photos.

Kit’s going to see those photos.

And I can’t – I can’t face them. Can’t watch their faces change when they realise what I am. What I let happen. Can’t see the pity in their eyes, or worse, the judgement.

You said no but you smiled for the camera.

You said you were a victim but you look pretty willing to me.

You’re not really a victim at all, are you? You’re just a liar trying to ruin a good man’s career.

My phone’s still in my hand. Still switched off.

I turn it back on. Wait for it to boot and then dial Piper.

She answers on the first ring. ‘Isla, please⁠—’

‘Send a car.’ My voice is steady now. Flat. Decided. ‘I’m coming back to London.’

‘Okay. Good. That’s good. I’ll⁠—’