Page 119 of Pull Me Under

I don’t mean to look. It’s just reflex now, this constant checking.

Brynn walks in.

She’s with Nina – the two of them shaking rain off their coats, laughing as they hang them on the hooks by the door. She’s wearing that green jumper, the one that makes her eyes look like the sea after a storm. Her hair’s down, damp at the ends, curling slightly from the weather.

My heart slams against my ribs.

What is she doing here?

She scans the room. Her eyes find mine.

She smiles. That private smile, the one she only gives me, the one that means I see you, I know you, I’m yours.

My whole body goes cold.

Reuben’s right there. Six inches away, pint in hand, already turning to see what I’m looking at.

I can’t⁠—

I look away.

I don’t mean to. It just happens – this instinctive flinch, this cowardly reflex. Like if I don’t look at her, he won’t see. Like if I pretend she’s not there, this moment won’t be happening.

When I force myself to look back, her smile is gone.

She mutters to Nina, squares her shoulders, and starts making her way to the bar.

Don’t come over here. Please. Not while he’s⁠—

‘Jude.’

She’s right there. Standing in front of me like she has every right to be. Which she does. Which is the whole point.

I can feel Reuben’s attention shifting. Feel his eyes on us.

‘Trelawney.’ My voice comes out all wrong. Cold. Professional and dismissive. ‘Training’s not until Monday.’

Her face cycles through it in a heartbeat. Confusion first – what? – then understanding. Then worse.

Her heart cracking open right in front of me.

‘Right.’ Her voice is steady. Admirably steady, given what I’ve just done. ‘Of course. Just getting drinks.’

She turns away, heading to the other end of the bar, as far from me as she can get without leaving the building.

Nina follows, throwing me a look that could curdle milk.

Reuben leans over. ‘Well done, son.’

‘Yeah.’

‘She should know we don’t want her here.’

I should defend her. Should say something. Anything.

‘She’s all right,’ I say. ‘Good mechanic.’

Reuben grunts. Goes back to his pint.