Page 5 of How We Loved

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? You can’t rely on Ben; you need your own stability.”

Seriously, pot kettle back here. The woman hasn’t worked since 1986.

“Look,” I started, knowing I needed to keep calm. “If I’m being totally honest, I don’t know if I want a job. I might want to be a writer. Or I might want to go and study another subject. Or maybe just stay home with the baby.”

“You’ve always hated babies.”

“No. You’ve always hated babies. You hated children and me.”

I’m almost entirely sure she has stated on many occasions, “I’m not sure I’d have children if I had my chance again.” This was normally on a Sunday when we are chewing on her roast lamb and moaning about the state of the gravy.

“Oh Lilah. Don’t be so silly.” She had picked up her cup of tea but clattered it back down again. “A writer... please.”

Ben gave me one of his looks. The ‘Stay Calm and don’t rip her head off’ look.

I wasn’t prepared to promise anything. Instead, I mashed my teeth together.

There was only one way to get rid of her, and that was to tell an outright lie.

Okay, this was going to take some serious work. I could do it, though if it meant not having my mum live with us until the baby appeared - just because it’s due at the beginning of November doesn’t mean it’s going to arrive. Hell, what if it was late and she was here for nearly three months? I just couldn’t cope.

No. It had to be good. Clean, concise, and irrefutable.

“Mum,” I said, sitting down on the gorgeous oversized leather sofa Ben had bought for the apartment - not only is he gorgeous, but he’s also the perfect interior decorator. There’s literally nothing that man can’t do. I patted the seat next to me, encouraging her to join me. “Mum, look, I didn’t want to make a big thing with Ben here, but it might be awkward for you to stay so long.”

She could smell bullsh*t, I could tell by her face.

“It’s just, you know, we are still getting used to being back together. So much has changed between us, especially Ben adapting to us having the baby he didn’t know about for so long.” I watched Mum’s face carefully as it folded into a scowl as she remembered the terrible weeks I went through when Ben disappeared from the face of the planet.

“Frightful nightmare,” she agreed. That’s one way of putting it.

“There’s a lot we haven’t sorted yet, you understand that, don’t you? If you’re here, it might make him feel like we are pushing him out again.” I crossed my fingers under my leg. I wasn’t above lying to get this job done.

I went in for the kill. “And what about Beverly?” Beverly is, of course, Ben’s mum and utterly adorable. She’d never come and force herself on us for the best part of two months. “She’ll feel left out, and that wouldn’t be fair on Ben either. He’ll be stuck between trying to keep us happy, and his mum.” It took all I had to keep my face neutral. The situation would have been helped enormously by a glass of pinot, but that was officially off the menu and had been for longer than I cared to think about.

“Beverly?” Mum’s nose screwed up as she considered the possibility. “She wouldn’t mind me being here.”

“Of course, she will, Mum. Why wouldn’t she?” I’m not sure how true this was, but the chances were Mum would never ask her, and Ben would never mention it, so it’s a moot point anyway.

“Well...”

“And Dad?”

“Oh, Dad...” She sounded resigned. She knew this was going to happen; that’s why she wanted to move in with us, but she’d hoped she’d be able to pull the wool over my eyes. Not a chance.

“You have to remember, you have a husband too, Mum. You can’t forget him.”

“Yes, yes, of course. Your dad. He’ll be at the golf course all day like he always is.”

“Tell him you want to do more things with him. Maybe he’s waiting for you to suggest it. You know you are always busy with your charities; have you ever thought about the fact maybe he plays golf to keep himself busy while you’re not there? It will only make it worse.”

“But, what about if you go into labour and I’m not there? I’ll have to rush up for the birth.”

This was the breaking point. She wanted to what the f*ck now? Duck, f*ck. Oh God, whatever. Just no.

“Mum, that’s a lovely thought, but I’m not sure I’m going to let anyone other than the midwives and Ben in with me. I’ll have a birth plan and everything.”