Page 59 of How We Began

“Calm down, Lilah. Jeez, you are so short-tempered!” He kissed me again, which made it hard to be short-tempered about anything.

“I’m leaving in a few short months. You’ve made it clear that you want me to go.”

Oooh, that hurt!

“I just want to enjoy being with you. I know you’ve things to sort out yourself, and I respect that. It doesn’t change how I feel.”

My mouth had gone so dry I could barely swallow. “How do you feel?” I managed to whisper.

“You know how I feel. I love you. But I made a silly mistake and I’m paying the price for it. I do love you, though.” He kissed around my lips again just to make his point. “And I’m waiting for you to see yourself for who you are and not all these crazy ideas you’ve let other people put there.”

My eyes stung. “Then what?”

“Then you and me, we’ll be forever. I just know it.”

He’s waiting for me… while I’m trying to let him go. There is something so poetically tragic about the tangle we’ve found ourselves in.

“Mmm,” I said back.

SERIOUSLY! The man of my dreams had just told me, naked, in bed, that he loved me and I replied, “Mmm.” I must need locking up.

Maybe he was right, though. Maybe we should just get what we can and then let it go when the time comes.

I thought about this as he moved his kisses further down my body, until eventually I couldn’t think at all.

(Later)

“You know I’m not your girlfriend, right?”

“Yeah. You know I’m not your boyfriend, right?”

This time it was me giggling as I moved myself over him.

“Good. Just so long as we are clear on that,” I said, tenting the duvet up over my head.

(Let’s be all romantic and pretend this is real)

Ben came up with the idea. I’d been about to get up and head back to my room when he grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

“Don’t go,” he’d pleaded, fluttering his ridiculously long lashes.

“Come on, Ben, you know this isn’t good.”

Undeterred, he tugged me back onto the rumpled sheets. “What’ve you got to lose?” Damn, his pecked kisses were distracting. “Just give me one day, just one day of being with you the way I want.”

Um, now let me think. What have I got to lose? Oh, yes, that’s right, my fucking sanity.

“Ben, come on, you promised.”

“No, you promised. Now get over it. We’ll spend the day in co-habiting heaven.”

Okay, now I knew he was taking the piss, and raised an eyebrow. “You know, most people that live together or are married hate each other?”

He laughed and pulled me in for a snuggle. A Ben snuggle. “Not us, Lilah.” His voice was quiet, and I realised that beneath the joking he truly believed that we could be different.

“Okay, I admitted defeat. What does the day involve?” I smiled. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t wipe the damn thing off my face.

He beamed me with his mega-wattage superstar smile. “First, we have to go food shopping.”