Page 117 of How We Began

“But what about him going to America?”

“Well, let him decide. Let him go, let him stay. Nothing is forever, is it? He could go and be back within the year. People have relationships, especially in the music business, where they simply can’t be together all the time, even if they want to be. It’s just the way the cookie crumbles.”

He smiled and took a deep breath. “Right then, love. Minimum wage. Any hours you like, and you can get as fat as you like back here,” he waved behind the counter. “There’s plenty of space.”

I gave him a massive hug. “Thank you, Baz,” I said, welling up again.

“I have six daughters, you know.”

“Have you got room for one more?” I asked hopefully.

“Do you know what, Lilah? I think I do.”

He gave me a bear hug, and I left the shop with a big smile on my face and feeling optimistic for the first time in a few days.

I can cope with whatever happens. I know I can.

15th March

Ben came along on my afternoon run. It’s been something heavenlike since we got back together—well, apart from the whole maybe baby thing hanging over my subconscious like a cloud. I’m trying not to think about the possibility of impending motherhood because, in all honesty, it just seems impossible.

We’re inseparable, and I love it. I didn’t realise how much pressure I’d been under before being around him. Wanting him so bad but never allowing myself to give in to it.

That constant aching I had rumbling through my bones, gnawing my stomach, is slowly dissipating and with it I feel rather like I’m unfurling, like one of those early spring blooms, this time of being with him is what I’ve been waiting for. I might have been waiting for it my whole life.

I thought on this as I ran around the park, faster and stronger, pushing through limits I would have set on myself before.

When I got back to the car, Ben was sitting in the front seat with his feet up on the dashboard reading a newspaper.

“Do you actually ever do any exercise?” I puffed with my head bent down low. I might have crossed a few too many limits.

“Yep,” he replies. “I have lots of sex with you.”

“Funny, Chambers! Come on, drive. I want to go home and have sex.”

16th March

Tristan and Meredith have seen the new flat and love it. Meredith hasn’t stopped gushing about it since, although she’s more excited about the parties we will be able to hold in there than I am about the bookshelves I can fill.

I still love it, but now I’ve this little voice in the back of my head saying “Will you be able to fit a cot in the corner of the bedroom?”

Ben leaves in one week. It is also one week until I start my career selling musical instruments that I categorically can’t play.

Tonight, Sound Box is playing their last gig before their trip. Now that I am a girlfriend, it is considered acceptable that I go along and watch them set up and generally hang around like a spare part trying to keep all skinny blonde females away from my man. Only joking.

Okay, only joking a little bit.

(The Gig)

Ugh Liam. I groaned as the Sound Box manager sauntered to where I perched at the bar.

“Hi, Lilah. How’re you doing?” I side-eyed him but turned on a smile.

“Good, thanks, Liam.”

Liam’s had a lucky escape from my top-person-to-hate list, after being pegged to poll position by my father.

“So all’s good with you guys now?”