Page 113 of How We Began

“I’ve absolutely no idea what you are talking about, crazy girl.”

“Look, it’s a snowdrop! That means winter is nearly over!” I gestured wildly at my little find and received a smirky grin in return. “You really are completely crackers. I’d no idea you had such a strong interest in horticulture.”

I swatted him with my hand, but then pulled him in and wrapped my arm tight around his waist.

Eventually we find the house, a Victorian Conversion, which from the outside has all the look of a Victorian town house, stained-glass windows and blue front door with a brass knocker.

By the time the old lady answered the door I’d already planned moving in and the fact a lovely potted Bay tree would look nice by the front door.

The moment we were inside, I knew this was the house we’d in live next year—it might be where I live forever.

“Is this your first home together?” the lady asked as she led us down the hallway.

“Um, no, it will just be Lilah,” Ben said without any explanation. His voice was a little tight.

“Oh. What a shame, you look like such a happy couple, and this is the perfect home for a new family. I had all four of my children here before we converted it into the two apartments.”

My ears pricked up at this. “Really? How long have you lived here?”

She looked around the rooms like she could still see the ghosts of the past there. “Sixty-six years,” she replied. “I’ll leave you to have a look about. It’s all self-explanatory.”

She shuffled away as Ben and I stared at each other. Sixty-six years. Wow.

I turned in place, taking in the beautiful room with its high ceiling and ornate plasterwork. Alcoves crammed with books and an old worn desk dominated one corner. I could have cried at the perfection of it all. Ben grabbed my hand we investigated the bedrooms, which were all a decent size with a black- and white-checked bathroom sandwiched in between. As we walked through the kitchen to the courtyard garden, I noticed Ben staring more at his feet than at the house.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I can see you here,” he replied, bright blues shadowed as his thumb traced patterns on my palm.

I knew what he meant. I could see him here, too.

Oh god.

My eyes filled with tears before I could hold them in check.

He wiped one away and folded me into his chest. “It’s all good, Lilah. This place is perfect for you and I’ll be happy thinking of you here.”

I sought his lips, and then turned to find the old lady standing there watching us.

“You two look good in here together. Reminds me of my husband and me when we moved in. I was expecting our first child straight away so the first room he decorated was the nursery. He painted it blue, dead sure that it was going to be a boy.”

God, my chest heaved with a sob, unable to control the wild tide washing over me.

“Was it?” I blubbed. “A boy?”

“No. Stupid old fool, I told him to go for the yellow,” she winked, and I cracked a watery smile.

11th March

Sweet mother of God. I think I might be pregnant.

Me. Pregnant.

I think I’m going to throw up, or have a heart attack or something.

“Do you think I should move a bag of stuff in here?” I’d asked Ben earlier. He glanced at me with a questioning look on his face as he shaved in the mirror. In all the months we have been on/off together, I have never actually sat and watched him shave. There’s something incredibly sexy and manly about it. It made me want to get up and kiss his jaw. Which I did. Winding my arms around his naked waist.

“You only live next door?”