Page 109 of How We Began

“So what did you talk about?” asked Beth.

“Uh, we talked about the fact that we used to have sex a lot.”

“Really, what happened then?”

“We both sat there, bright red, and I wanted to have sex with him, although that’s quite normal.”

“How did he react when Big Baz gave you the job?” Meredith cut in, swaying her glass above my almost cleanish bedding.

I tried to remember the look on his face as he slid his hand across the table to mine. “He seemed pleased, like he was glad that he knew where I was going to be.”

They cocked their heads to the side, looking at me as they mulled this piece of information over.

“Well, I think you should just go in there right now and offer him a blowjob. He won’t want to be bloody best friends then, will he?” Beth said a little too loudly.

I spurted my wine everywhere.

Ben’s guitar stopped strumming.

We’re going out tonight, all of us. Just to Digby bar. Ben told Meredith he’s meeting his football mates there. The football boys are always surrounded by a massive group of girls.

I don’t want to go.

But then not going will just have me in my room wondering what’s happening over there.

Damn it. I’m going shopping.

(5.00 p.m.)

I’ve got a new outfit: it’s a black bodycon dress—not my usual style. For the first time in my life I’ve just purchased a dress in a size ten. It looks like the jogging is paying off. I haven’t even noticed.

Right. Time to get ready. I hope I don’t look like mutton dressed as lamb.

9th March

(5.30 a.m.)

“Is this real?”

I couldn’t tell if he was awake, but I asked the question out loud anyway.

“I think so,” he replied, curling himself around me.

“I’m going to go back to sleep just in case.”

“Me, too.”

(9.30 a.m.)

It’s real. It is most definitely real! I’m here in Ben’s bed and he is asleep next to me, with a pretty satisfied smile on his face.

That’s me! I put that smile on his face.

We’ve got one foot hooked around the other’s, anchoring ourselves to one another, and I’ve a feeling deep inside me that nothing can ruin this. Not his leaving for his little Easter break in the States, and not the eventual end that we are going to have when I let him go at the start of the summer holidays.

This is going to be perfect right now.

(Last night)