Page 115 of The Last Kiss

“No.”

“Tell me how you paid for the ambulance?”

There’s a stretch of silence and I find her fingers, giving a squeeze.

“Just please tell me it’s not Dickweed.”

She laughs a snotty sound. “No. Henri.”

Her admission strikes a final blow. “God, he really didn’t want me to stay in France, did he?”

I turn my face away and stare at nothing. “Liv, please go home. If I’m here tomorrow, I’ll let you come back.”

“Who put you in charge?”

“Me. I’m the eldest, I’ve always been in charge, I just like you to think otherwise.”

“Let me stay?”

“No. Go get those kids and give them the biggest hug you possibly can for me. I’ll be okay. I’m going to sleep.”

I. Am. Not. Going. To. Sleep.

“Jules, please.”

I turn my face away. “I’m scared, Liv.”

“So am I. That’s why I have to stay.”

“That’s why you have to go. Anyway.” Breath. “Barney will be wanting his dinner.” Breath. “You don’t want to know what he’ll do to your sofa.” Breath. “If you don’t feed him on time.” Breath.

“That cat is a pain in the backside, Jules.”

I almost turn. “Look after him.” Breath.

“I will.” There’s silence filled with her sobs, but I refuse to turn around. I can’t do a goodbye, don’t want to.

“I s-uppose.” Breath. “Y-you could s-swing by tomorrow and s-see if I’m still k-kicking.” Talking is hard. Trying to keep breathing even harder.

A watery kiss lands on my forehead. “You stupid mare. Where else would I be? By—”

“Don’t. Just don’t.”

It hurts. I know I’m hurting her by not turning to face her. This could be it, and for that exact reason I can’t make myself do it. How do you say goodbye to your sister?

No. I’ll face this alone. It’s better that way.

What would it have been like to have Henri hold my hand, help me be brave?

Silly, Julianna.

Stupid, Julianna.

It was all just a one-night stand that went epically wrong.

30

For whom the bell tolls