Page 114 of The Last Kiss

Okay, this is boring. I don’t want to listen to this during my final moments. And it is. There is no avoiding it now.

“Can you get Liv back for me please?” I shudder in a breath. “And thanks for getting me home. One decent thing you’ve done for me in the last fifteen years.”

“Jules, I need to speak.”

“It’s too late. The only thing you can do for me now is look after Liv. Please.” My eyes burn. “Get out. Get out.”

“Julia, please.”

“No. Get out.” I’m struggling to sit, pulling at wires. I’m in an all-out sweat, but I don’t care. “I’ll get Liv to pay you back for the ambulance. I don’t want anything from you.”

“What are you talking about, what ambulance? Jules, please, calm down.” A machine starts to beep, and Mom’s eyes fly to it. “Please calm down.”

“Calm down.” I nod, pulling at the wire under my nose. “Calm down, Julia. Don’t be so aggressive, Julia. No, you aren’t going to the park, Julia. Stay in your room, Julia. Stay safe, Julia. Don’t trust anyone, Julia. You,” I stab my finger at her, it’s shaking, not quite on target, “failed at parenting. You failed both me and Liv and I hope this moment haunts you forever. You scared me out of living, and I can’t ever get that back now.”

The door flies open and Liv streams through. “Oh my god, what is happening?” A nurse is not far behind, pushing me back down on the bed despite my last power surge. Like an outage about to darken a city I flicker with strength once more, twice more, three, and then I’m spent.

Done.

“What have I done? Just go, Mum,” Liv is whispering. At least I think she’s whispering, but I’m no longer sure.

My room is rather like Waterloo with people coming and going. Nurses are fiddling with my machines, setting up drips. They should probably just take it all out now.

“Stop,” my call is feeble. “Just stop.”

A nurse pats my hand. “Just try to keep calm while we make you more comfortable.”

“No. I want to see Dr Francis.”

“I’m here.” There’s a gentle pat of my toes while Liv settles back up in the chair by my head.

“It’s over, isn’t it?” I heave in my words, sucking them in because pushing them out seems one feat too far.

“I don’t think we can move you to a hospice now, Julia.” His words are laced with kindness and I’m so grateful to him. So grateful, but also so damn gutted. This is it, and I have one thought in my head. Just. One.

Henri.

God, it’s torture knowing I won’t see his face again.

“We’ll make you comfortable, Julianna, okay?”

“Call me Jules.” I smile faintly. “It’s probably about time.”

After he’s left, we lapse into silence other than a steady beeping and the sound of my oxygen machine.

“He showed me how it’s happening,” Liv whispers. “Do you want me to tell you?”

I shake my head. “I can live without the CliffsNotes.” She chuckles but then starts to cry, her tears splattering my skin.

“I’m sorry I ruined everything by going to France.”

“You didn’t. I’m glad you went.”

“Liv. I want you to go home now.”

“Not a chance.”

“Please.”