Page 44 of The Other Side of Green

Oh God.

I should have told him to go away.

If Luca found him here one of them might end up in a body bag.

“Lyra!” His voice ran though me in the most illicit and desperate way, gnawing at my nerves, making my stomach twist with revulsion and desire.

Oh God.

God wouldn’t help me now.

“Coming.” I tore out my room and slid down the stairs, feet skimming in all the familiar grooves. “Hey.”

He stood in the kitchen all darkness and light. Hope and despair. Truth and lies.

His gaze slid over me, and he offered me a small curve of the left side of his mouth. “Strange to come in the back door.”

I fidgeted my hand. “You always used to come through the back.”

“Not to see you I didn’t.”

I had nothing to say to that.

“Why are you here?” I asked instead.

“Because I’m worried about you. Is that wrong?”

“Well, yes. I’ve hurt you, been rude.”

“And so have I, but I care enough to want to know you’re okay.” Those greens swept my face. “And are you?”

“Sure.”

“Liar.” His lips quirked into a smile I’d forgotten existed. I’d hardly seen him smile in Boston, yet here now he stood, almost looking like the boy I once knew. Faded denim and white cotton. My stomach ached. “Lyra.” He reached forward and grabbed my hand, gently holding my fingers in a loose grasp. “I don’t know what happened for you to change your mind, and I don’t believe what you said the other night either, but I know you’re dealing with stuff, so I’m happy to wait.”

“Jack, waiting won’t achieve anything.”

His stare steadied on my face. “Maybe.”

I wished waiting could help, wished it could make me un-know the truths that I did, wished I could kiss him again, taste him, feel him, but those things would never be. Until I knew the truth, I wouldn’t risk telling him anything. We’d hurt him enough, and the shame that slithered through my soul would be yet another Lennox wrong.

“So what do you need my help with?”

“Help?” My poor heart pattered in my chest.

“Yes, with the funeral, organizing, all of this. I’m guessing you’re doing this alone.”

“Luca was here earlier.”

“Sure. But where is he now?”

I scrunched my face. He was probably balls deep in Raven Smoake. I wasn’t going to say that, so I shrugged.

“We had Pastor Clarke here.” I grimaced and Jack’s curve of his lips spread into a well-loved grin. Its familiarity spread through me like the warmth of the sun.

“Sounds delightful.”

“It was.”