Page 41 of The Other Side of Green

Maybe I liked being green.

I lifted it and stared at the writing on the top again: Things only for Lyra.

She’d left them for me at Patience’s house. Why?

My eyes stung. Knowing now that she knew she might die at any moment, it burned me so deep, so low. I swiped at my face, my chest too tight. I didn’t know if I’d be able to draw breath. An overwhelming deep pull dragged a sob from my chest and then another. Pushing Grams’ box from my hands, I rolled onto my front and pushed my face into my pillow.

I didn’t know how to survive this.

An aching hollow grew inside me, overtaking every space within me.

I was alone.

Totally alone.

No friends, no brother I could talk to, and no Grams.

My cell ringing down by my hip woke me and I cringed as I cranked my swollen eyes open, fending off an ugly cry migraine. “Fuck,” I patted the bed and grasped my cell. Eva.

“Hey,” I said, voice grating with rawness.

“Yo, Lyra. How goes it?”

Wow, she was loud. “Okay, you know.”

“Are you sitting around all depressed?”

“A little.”

“How’s the funeral plans?”

“Hard.”

She paused. “Why?”

“Because Luca and I are organizing everything, and it sucks.”

“Where are your parents?”

“Eva, I don’t have any.”

A loud clatter burst in my ear like she’d dropped her cell. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t have any. Well, my mom’s somewhere being a fucking drunk bitch.” I had no apology for my attitude.

“Lyra, why haven’t you ever said anything?”

“What did you want me to say? It’s not exactly a conversation opener.”

“No, but.”

“But?”

“I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” So long as you don’t focus on all the lies I’ve told.

“But you’re by yourself?”